I frequently consider the person who I've been since she passed, the experiences I've had without her.
October marks many anniversaries for me. Most of them involve my decline in mental stability (three years), but through the years I've pushed on, become stronger, and am grateful, each day, to be alive.
Two years ago is probably my most difficult anniversary. October 19th is my half birthday, and two years ago, it was the date I had planned to kill myself until a friend begged me not to. HERE is a link to my Facebook author page if you'd like to see the video of me addressing a public policy and health committee last night.
I am alive today because after her, several others stepped in. Because I frequently reflect on who I was verses who I am now, here is a small list of reasons I am glad to be alive and kicking:
|Two of my very good friends :)|
*Becoming a snowboarding instructor. Words cannot express how grateful I am for this experience.
*Working at the "soul suck". This retail job taught me a lot about who I am, what I'm willing to put up with, and helped pay the bills for the last two years.
*Coworkers, friends. I moved from North Carolina to Maine. I didn't know anyone here, and now it feels like I know everyone.
*Happiness and drive. Some days, I feel as though I cannot fail.
*Kyla. I wouldn't know her, I wouldn't own her. Though she's a butthead, I'm blessed to have her.
The list could be endless really (things I've tried, experienced, accomplished, etc) but I'm really just writing this post to remind you that if you're struggling, things can and will get better. Have faith, hold on, and remember that even if it hurts, smile.