People Watching

When you're in a big group of people,
it's easier to be invisible.
Great for watching.

I've spent a lot of time sitting off to the side and watching the way people interact. I can tell you if a girl is interested in someone, if a boy is interested in someone, who's a jerk, and who isn't. (Most of the time. Sometimes, if I've had a few beers, my super powers become fuzzy.)

If you look for small gestures, a woman placing a hand over her stomach. It's not always indicative of pregnancy, it can also signal insecurity, an eating disorder, or something else. If you look for someone playing with their phone, it can also mean more than just getting a text.

I can also read people from the way they talk. It's a little easier with people I interact with on a daily basis. In example, I once called a friend, said hello, and she simply said, "Hey."

But there was a catch in her voice and I heard it. As soon as I asked if she was okay, she burst into tears and said, "I was trying so hard not to let anyone know."

Being able to people watch and read their interactions and tone of voice helps with writing, I think. So if you feel blocked, or if you can't quite get interactions right, go to a mall. Sit on a bench and bring a notebook. Look for couples. Look for friends. Look for kids who are upset with their parents. See how they act. Try to eavesdrop on what they say.

What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?

Me. The day I helped Planned
Parenthood collect
signatures for a Patient Safety Zone

Awhile ago on Twitter, someone posted a quote that said something like:

Never place your goals in people. People can let you down. Set your goals so that you can accomplish them.

It's kind of stuck with me. That was the defining moment where I realized that I could be happy being alone. I could be happy never getting married, and becoming that crazy cat and dog lady who reeks of urine.

The other night I was taken to a friend's house. Because I'd had a few beers, my (somewhat) social filter had completely disappeared. I asked questions normal sane people don't ask. (Have you had an abortion? Oh, you have a kid? Why did you decide to have the kid? How old are you now? How old is the kiddo? etc) The primary one was, "What do you want to do with your life?"

Three people eluded to, "I want to find the one." I said okay, cool, but what else? And they stalled.

I'm bitter with the Disney mentality where your Prince will come, rescue you, and save the day. It's up to you to save yourself. Save the kingdom. Save or change the world. You do that. Not your prince.

So, what happens after you find the one? Do you just...snuggle? All the time?

No. People who don't establish themselves in the world don't make healthy relationships. You need to have YOU time, and your significant other needs to have SO time. You need to come together, share a life, be partners. But also be independent.

So, I'll ask this question again:

What do YOU want to do with your life?

Accomplishment Lists

You know those days where you wonder why you do anything?

Maybe you've just gotten your fifteenth rejection of the day, your boss just fired you, AND the cops pulled you over for speeding. It's arguably a bad day. So why bother?

On Wednesday, I got to go to a middle school class and talk about Self Esteem and Relationships. It was different from anything I'd ever presented before, not only because of the format, but also because of what I was trying to convey to the students. I started it off by having them write four lists:

1) Things I'm Insecure About:

2) Why I'm Better than Those Insecurities:

3) Things I Do Well:

4) Things I Like About Me:

Because I was given free reign of the classroom, I used the dry erase board and filled in my own answers. I talked about how the higher your self esteem level is, the easier your lists (2-4) will be. Once those lists start to come easier, List #1 stops having so much power. 

You just gotta think the world of yourself,
you know?

So then the question was, how do we boost self esteem?

My favorite answer is the Accomplishment List. On those days you feel utterly worthless, remember that you're not. No matter what age you are, what gender, what circumstances  you have done things that you have been proud of yourself for. It's time to remember what those are.

Here is a mini list of mine:

*Sophomore year of high school, I ran a 10 mile road race (it was a life goal of mine) AND beat my sister

*In college, I was published in the 2007-2010 editions of Zephyr

*I went to college, obtained a degree in Medical Biology, and had no help from my parents

*I bought my first car at the age of 22 WITHOUT a cosigner

*I ate three meals today

Once you recognize one thing you've done well, you start to recognize others. From there, you can start to allow yourself to be proud of these things.

And be proud of yourself, because sometimes, life is hard.

Quick Book Reviews

Sorry I've still been kind of MIA. Baxter's biopsy results are in, but we're waiting to speak with the veterinarian. In the meantime, here are some book reviews for you:

 Lola and the Boy Next DoorBy Stephanie Perkins
Rating on Goodreads: **** of *****

You know those cute stories that stay with you awhile after they're done? This is one of those. I loved Lola, and Crickett, and the parents. It was a cute quick read.

However, I had some beefs with the book which kept me from giving this a five star rating. 1) The way the boyfriend ended up acting. It felt incredibly disingenuous for his character (to me, at least) 2) The ice skating results. I was kind of interested in that sub plot.

Other than that, I did love this book. You should read it.

Matched
By Ally Condie 
Rating on Goodreads: *** of *****

This book took me awhile to get through. Part of it was because I was distracted with Baxter and other things, and part was because the writing wasn't so phenominal I had to keep turning pages.

The society was believable, however, the way Ky was introduced didn't quite grab me. From there, it was kind of hard to believe that Cassia began to question all of the rules in place. My head kept comparing this to the Uglies triology (which I LOVED), and I just didn't feel nearly as invested. I didn't feel like there was enough of a true character arc for me to feel passionately about this book.

I still have every intention of reading the next book!


Arclight
By Josin McQuien
Rating on Goodreads: *** of *****

I thought there were a lot of really original ideas in this. I truly enjoyed how well thought out the author's ideas were (as far as nanites and things like that). For a long time after, I thought about what it's like to go in sunlight verses be surrounded in darkness. Very cool.




The reasons I gave it only three stars was because I started being able to figure out what was happening. I didn't feel as surprised with some of the revelations that I should have.

However, I DID love the love triangle/relationship/mess. I loved Toby, so so much. And the other guy whose name I can't quite remember right now. But yea, if you want a pretty intense read, this is it.

I Am So Tired

Baxter recovering from his
procedure on Monday

It turns out, when your dog is sick, everything around you decides to speed up. So while you'd prefer to sit there on the couch and cuddle with him while his nose bleeds all over your jeans and white couch, your alarm clock beeps and says that you have to run errands before work.

This week I've been running like a chicken with my head cut off. Today I sent the AbortionChat shirts (!!!!!) to the screen printers, hung up Baxter's yard sale signs around town (after having to make them), then worked.

Now I'm writing up a presentation for a middle school on Self Esteem and Relationships, which is harder than I thought it would be. (I keep trying to remind myself how much of a butthead I was in middle school. That's the girl I'm aiming this speech at. She still hates it.)

There have been a few good things this week:
*My friends, twitter followers, and blog peeps have helped raise $485 for Baxter
*My friends and co-workers are donating items for his yard sale
*I may be taking over a column for the local newspaper
*I was asked back to a middle school for a presentation
*I got my grant proposal for AbortionChat finished up

Guys. I am so, so tired. Somehow, there is still more to do.

Wanna nap?

Reflections of Baxter

The day after all day
at the vet's

It's amazing how much things can change in the time span of a few days. You can have an uplifting post, and be happy, and suddenly it's like the oxygen has been pushed out of your lungs.

My entire month of April has been filled with Baxter. Why? Because he's my running buddy, my sleeping buddy, my best friend. Last month, I've taken several trips down memory lane and basked in the fact that he's finally a more permanent fixture in my life.

However, in the last few days, things have changed. Scary things that have kept me crying for hours at a time. I've been praying for that Fountain of Youth I'd talked about.

It started with a bloody snout. It got worse a few days later with another. Then on May 1st, we sat in the vet clinic and he sneezed blood on my arm.

We don't know what's wrong with him. He was sedated, he underwent blood work and xrays. The veterinarian and I were hoping he'd snorted something and that a twig would appear on the xrays.

It didn't.

We're being referred to a specialist so Baxter can undergo a rhinoscopy and potentially an MRI. It's going to cost us $900-$2500. I've harassed my twitter and Facebook feeds, so why not my blog? If you're interested in donating, even a single dollar would help. HERE is the link.

As for real reflections of the A to Z, I'm glad I did it. It was hard work, and incredibly challenging. Finding a way to relate each letter to my dog was sometimes grasping for straws. I didn't expect some of what came out to come out. It was a challenge to take pictures sometimes the way I wanted. 

Here are some stats I found cool:

E is for Everywhere and
Y is for Youth got the most visits

He is clearly handling this better than I am..

I gained a few more followers (Hello there!)

 I was going to try to figure out how many comments the pages got...but it turns out, that's a lot of work. Baxter and I loved all the nice and supportive things you all said, though :)

Either way, I'm glad I did the challenge. I think it helped me fall in love with Bax all over again. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that everything will turn out okay.

Happy Friday.

Z is for Zest and Zeal

Because yesterday's post was a little sad and bittersweet, I figured I'd cheer you guys up.

Baxter has a tendency to remind me that life is full of zest, and I should meet it head on, zealously. To close up this A to Z Challenge, here are some take home, life lessons from my best friend:

*It's okay to hit snooze. More than once. But after a few times, you have to get out of bed and go potty.

*It's okay to steal someone else's food when they're not looking. If they ask or accuse, just hang your head real low and look sad. They'll forgive you and probably replenish your food bowl.

The last good snowfall of 2013.
Bax is the little black ball in the center.

*Water is the only drink you ever really need.

*Cigarettes are yucky, and so are drugs.

*Enjoy a good snowfall. Run around, make fresh tracks, even if it's midnight. 

*It's okay to slip your collar and run off and freak your family out. Just remember to stay safe and return home.

*Be excited to be home, especially after you've been gone for a long amount of time. This is your place. Be comfortable here. Be excited to be with the people you love.

*Remember the joy of a car ride. I think a lot of us take it for granted, but Baxter loves to have his head somewhat out the widow, or looking right through the dashboard from the backseat. Try to find things you've never seen before.

I've always thought the car ride
is the same as a roller coaster to him

*Take a minute and just enjoy the sunlight. As Spring and Summer come in to full
swing, Baxter loves just sitting outside. Not sniffing or running around, just getting his tan on. Breathe in fresh air. Smell flowers. Enjoy the small things.

*No matter how big or small, or what age you are, it's okay to be a lapdog your entire life.

*Be excited. Be excited for friends, and family, and other things you may not understand (like cats and other dogs). Listen when someone wants to talk. Cuddle up to someone when they're sad. Most of all, be there, and don't be there because you feel obligated.

*Be brave. Don't be afraid to stand up and growl for the things you'd be willing to protect. Don't go to sleep until everyone else is safely in bed. 

He's not tied up in this picture.
He's just waiting for me.

There are a million other things I could tell you I've learned from him, and you guys know that's true. But just remember to enjoy the small things, like going outside, reading a book in the sun, how awesome your family and friends are. Remember that days can get bad, but to a dog, as long as you're around, every day is a good day.

For those of you who just ended the challenge, congrats! We made it. For those of you who were just popping in and reading about my BFF, thank you. Thank you for giving me this chance to creatively explore my pup and my relationship with him. You guys are awesome.