Yay! Another Blog Award!

Okay...so for those of you who only know me virtually, not only am I an anxious person (see previous blog, float around through other posts...), I'm also really excitable.

Every time I get a new follower, I literally squeal and possibly jump up and down. It usually looks something like this:

God, these are terrifying pictures. I hope I didn't just scare you away...

So imagine when I get a manuscript request, or heck, even a free cookie. It's dangerous to be within a ten mile radius of my flapping arms.

Yesterday, I found that the lovely writer, Laura Barnes, gave me a blog award!!! Which resulted in the usual tackling of Baxter (who was resting peacefully beside me), and a giddy squeal (then I had to explain to my roommate who is like 60, possibly 70 years old what a blog award was).

So here's the award, and it's linked back to Ms. Barnes' blog:

If you're not aware  of how blog awards work, it's like this:
*You get one (Yay!). You can just take it, put up the pretty picture on your blog and do nothing else. That's up to you.
*You link the award back to the giver.
*You pick people to give it to.

She picked ten, so I'll do the same (in no specific order):

My Protector: The Calling

Peggy Eddleman: Will Write For Cookies

A Book, A Girl, A Journey

What's Your Thought On That

Writing on the Sunny Side of the Street

I Take The Pen

Ninja Girl Reads

Lesism-by Les Floyd

Reading, Writing, and Lovin' It

Gaines, on Brains

90% of these blogs are writing related. One I know in person, and I enjoy her blog because it's down to earth. Plus, I know her in real life, so that's fun, too :) Either way, these are the common blogs I try to pop in on at least once-twice a week...I hope you guys enjoy them, too.

*Once you've selected the fine bloggers, leave a comment on their blog and let them share in the giddy-ness. (I hope you guys get giddy, too)
*Some of the other blog awards have a series of questions so you can get to know the writer a little bit better...This one didn't come with any (yay!)...

But here are some fun facts about me anyway:

~I have the best dog in the world.
~I don't like to say that I own him, we're more like friends.
~I'm really caffeine intolerant, and it usually ends in a panic attack. But, after working at a coffee shop for a few months, I'm now also dependent.
~I'm a fast writer. I think. I'm not sure...people tell me I am. (If you go through my old posts, I have some tips on what I've dubbed speed writing.)
~I like cookies. A lot. Like...I eat a million a day.
~I like cold weather and snow..which works out since I just moved back to Maine.
~I really like Owl City's new album. Mainly because he has a song that says, "Reality is a lovely place, but I wouldn't want to live there"
~I hate TV
~I love music
~My car is a stick shift
~In the last month, I've been in two ditches (one ended up having to get towed out, the other pushed out)

That's all for now :)

Practice Makes Perfect (Overcoming Anxiety)

If you're new to the blog, I'm going to direct you to these following posts to gain some background:

*Overcoming Anxiety    *Reading Out Loud      

As you'll see, I have a lot of anxiety. I'm constantly afraid of stepping wrong, saying something stupid, and then when I have an energy drink I all but freak out. (I should maybe consider stopping that, but it just tastes so good!)

New situations terrify me. I hate when I leave a job, because it means I'll have to get a new one, get re-trained, be ignorant for about a week until I get into the flow. I hate it...I like knowing what I'm doing, I like being good at everything I do. Any time I'm out of my element, I'm shaky, it's hard to breathe...and I want Baxter (who I may or may not be trying to train as an anxiety dog).

So just recently, I moved from the Outer Banks of North Carolina, to the mountains of Maine. The move itself was making me anxious: will I have enough money? will we have a place to stay? will Baxter be okay? etc. It was relentless, but I kept pushing through it and kept going. And things worked out:

We got a house:

Yesterday, I had orientation in a room that looks like this:

If you've ever been to a conference, you'll recognize the set up.

So...I walk in eating some oreos. I drink too much coffee and start having a bit of an anxiety attack. The woman running orientation asks for four volunteers, and I find myself walking up. The entire time I was shaking, my heart was pounding so loud, I could barely hear her when she told me to read things out loud, but the bottom line is that it was practice. Maybe someday I'll host a panel, maybe even be in a panel. Maybe someday, I'll get to read my novel to a crowd the way I read stories at an open mic night.

When I finally got to sit down, I tried regaining my breath, but it took some time. But I'm proud of myself. Why? Because I did it. I pushed myself out of my comfort zone for about twenty minutes, in front of a bunch of people I didn't know. It's something I try to work on, pretty frequently.

As writer's we're going to be nervous, all the time. Querying agents, landing editors, getting our books published. And then the book tour, talking to fans, attending conferences...I'm preparing for this, all the time. Are you?

And as of tomorrow, I'm diving into being a snowboarding instructor. It's completely new to me. I don't know anyone, I'm not even sure my knee is ready for it, but this morning, I was able to kneel down for the first time since surgery. It was awesome. Painful, but awesome. It gave me the ray of hope I'd been looking for.

So, I'm going to keep pushing through, keep pushing the boundaries of my comfort zone, all the time. And every once in awhile, I'll stop..

This is the view just down the street from us :)

and be reminded that even with anxiety, this is a really good life :)

Ending NaNoWriMo

So, today is the last day of November, how'd your NaNoWriMo projects turn out?

Me? Well, I started writing My Sister's Memories way late in the game. And I mean..wayyyy late in the game. I started this project on November 11 (I only know this because I just checked), rather than November 1st. As stated in previous blog posts, I've been rather busy...Yuck.

Over Thanksgiving I wrote a decent amount, which was really nice. While the Penet family was watching football, I was usually physically present in the room, but hanging out with my characters. Baxter for awhile was chilling on my lap, napping, and I was typing away. (Actually, as I write this, he's laying next to me..thankfully rather than ON me.) I easily wrote 10,000 words over Thanksgiving before having to take close to a week long break that involved leaving VA, going to MD, getting stuck in a horrific traffic jam in CT, stopping in MA, and finally arriving in ME.

Oh, also this month I managed to put my car in the ditch not once but TWICE, and run over something huge in the highway that managed to rip out my O2 censor (my check engine light is STILL on). Nonetheless, I press on.

Tonight is the first night I've been able to pick back up, and I've almost written 4,000 words. It's been difficult because my new roommate keeps trying to talk to me, and there's a basketball game on the TV, plus, I have just natural ADD...

With the end of the night coming in about 15 minutes, I'm hoping to wrap up my NaNoWriMo Project at 20,000 words, and then have it actually done sometime in December. So far, I'm really, really liking the story.

I'll keep ya'll posted on my progress.

Happy end of NaNoWriMo! :)

Thankful

It was Thanksgiving and I had plenty to be thankful about this year. It is very rare that I am left completely speechless by the people I'm surrounded by, but this year, the people I've met have helped save me. I owe my life and sanity to a lot of them and there is no way to repay them except to keep pushing on, keep being better, keep healing.

With that said, I am now in Maine. Woodstock, Maine to be exact. It's in the middle of nowhere. Actually, that's kind of a lie. It's perfect

No one pronounces their 'R's. It's charming, I've missed it
It's away from civilization
There is plenty of room for Baxter
I can see the mountains all around me
There is snow
Baxter is with me
The house is constantly cold (I LOVE cold weather)
There is a lake and stream near me as well
It'll give me time to heal from surgery, from the tolls of the real world
I get to snowboard for a living

So, December is coming. And training for my job is coming up. I'm anxious about it, about how well my knee has healed, about the rest of me...

But before I let that swallow me. I'm going to think about right now, and right now...we're all moved in, and we're settling. I gotta remember to take one step at a time.

We'll get back to writerly blogs soon enough :)

Hope your turkey day rocked! Oh--How did your NaNo projects finish up? I'm just under 20,000 words, and I'm damn proud of it given the fact that I've moved twice, traveled to Maine twice, had surgery, recovered, etc...It's been a difficult month, but I can't wait to finish my novel!

What Now?

I get to a point when I'm writing that I see the end (sort of) and something in the middle (sort of) but I've just written myself into a hole. Literally, I'll be writing and thinking "Yea, I got this, look at how fast I'm writing," and before I know it, I'll sit there at the screen and think, "Shit, what now?"

Sometimes I'm able to just play on facebook or twitter for a bit and get myself and my characters out of it, but sometimes the hole swallows me and it takes a little bit more to get out.

It's usually at that point I just keep asking "What now? What happens next?" It's also usually here that the crappy, quick, incoherent writing comes out so I can get back to the good stuff. But I'm okay with that. I'm okay with writing poorly. When I was at PNWA one of the panelists said something along the lines of, "Most everything you write is going to be crap. And that's okay." That's kind of the mindset I have. It's understood, you have to write crap to be able to write well. Me? My first draft is ALWAYS crap. Second draft is like mixed soft serve ice cream. Some of it's good, some of it's bad. Then...my final draft is what I start sending to agents.

But before all of that, before the draft is even finished, how do you go from being stuck in a hole, to crawling out? For me, I take time away. It's why for the more shallow holes I can go just play on some other media source. Sometimes that'll trigger something, or just allow my brain to slow down and stop getting frustrated. If that doesn't work, I step away from it. I go out with friends, take Baxter for a walk.

As you'll see, sometimes he just really wants to go...

If when I come back, I'm still stuck...I know I have to start writing again. (It happens sometimes, that I take too much time away from the work, don't think about it enough...etc. Oops!) The biggest thing that helps me is going back, sometimes only a couple of pages, sometimes all the way to the beginning and re-reading, getting re-acquainted with the roots of the story. I always find something I can add or take out. Once I catch up to the last line I'd written, I remember where I was, plus, I just added in that whole section (holy crap! 2,000 words! Yes!). Seriously, that happens sometimes.

This is why I'm not a plotter. Because as I write the story, it evolves, and I'm able to go back and make it stand for itself. Sure, sure, I have an idea when I start the story, I have situations I know I'll want to write in. But...it's connecting the dots and just going with the flow where the real writing (for me) comes in.

Happy NaNoWriMo!

Why We Love Characters

I fell in love with Bella Swan (shh don't tell anyone) because she had flaws. She has low self esteem. She trips over crap all the time. She's plain. Those are things I took away from the Twilight Series. 

Why?

Because -I- have low self esteem. Because I trip over crap, all the time. Literally, plus, now that I'm off crutches (YAY!!) I step wrong, and scream out in pain. To the point a boy this last weekend linked his arm through mine and escorted me inside (which was wonderful). I love Bella because I'm plain. I too wouldn't think I would deserve Edward Cullen. 

So think about it. Why do you watch the shows you watch? Why do you fall in love with characters in books?

At PNWA, I did my pitch. I would see editor's and agent's eyes light up when I talked about a 17 year old girl who was abused by her parents, who was stand-offish...who moves out of her parents house with no direction. But--she is sure to take her teddy bear with her. 

It's the quirks we fall in love with. The ordinary, the comical problems that they have, that we can relate to. The flaws that they hide from the rest of the world, but they expose to us.

So..
How's your character development coming? Why would people love your character? Why do -you- love your characters?

:)

Taking Things For Granted

I drove to Maine last weekend, and during one of the training segments, the wonderful people at Sunday River had us draw random things to coach the group on. Things like:

How to brush your teeth
How to shower
How to put on a pair of pants/snowboarding boot/ski boot
How to tie a shoe
Doing Jumping Jacks
etc

It gave me the moment to think about how once we learn something we just go on auto pilot and don't consider how much effort goes into routine things.

So now, I had surgery on Wednesday. I've been on crutches ever since. Today is my first day without them, and I have a severe limp. I have to concentrate on the exact placement of my footing because if I step wrong I usually scream out a curse word and stop motion for a solid five minutes. This week I've learned that I take things like; walking, being able to carry a plate, bowl, cup, take my dog down stairs, etc for granted. I've never given much thought to what I physically am able to do, or how much effort I put into daily life until now.

Tie this all into writing now. Writing a poem or short story is like learning to tie your shoes, brush your teeth. There's something that needs to be said, and you say it. Then tackling a novel is like learning to walk. You have to go from point A (the beginning) to point B (the end). Every time I've written a novel I take these steps for granted and expect the story to carry itself. I think it's why now I'm grateful to have gone to PNWA, AWP, and LitDay where they spoke about the ability to show and not tell. It's like coming off crutches, something that carries the story until the story can carry itself.

So, good luck and keep writing, keep walking :)