So, when was a time I didn't give up on something? Well, honestly, every day of my life. I've come to the conclusion recently that I've died several times. Sadly, I've also tried to kill myself more times than I've died and have scars all over my body from self injury. But my body, my mind, and my soul are still inhabiting this earth, so every day I breathe, I'm not giving up, I'm not surrendering.
|Always up for what comes next :)|
We've also been in situations where we were financially struggling to make ends meet, so I had to give up beer, and cut back on food, and Baxter had to give up expensive food and new toys. But somehow, we've pushed through, and we've made it work.
When I went crazy in North Carolina, it was Baxter, laying next to me on the couch, in my bed, while I cried for days on end, who put me back in motion. He relied on me to be able to go to the bathroom, to eat, and I had an obligation to him to take care of him.
At one point, when I'd stopped answering my phone for about a week, my sister called and said (in a somewhat panicky voice), "Did something happen to Baxter?" It was then I knew that things really could get worse, and with that question, she offered me a ray of hope that I latched on to.
Rather than finding Baxter a home and diving into the ocean and letting the waves take me out (which had been my plan), Baxter and I packed up the car and went north. When we arrived in Maine, we didn't have anywhere to live because all of the ads on Craigslist didn't allow pets. Sneaking into UNE dorms and spending a night, we found a place in Woodstock, ME, that at the time seemed like a sanctuary (and ended up being another sketchy place with a funny/awkward/scarring story).
|Our new place :)|
I know things can get bad, and still push me to the point of throwing the towel in. But with Baxter around, I've found that I have to not only take care of him, but take care of me, too. And so no matter how hard life gets, chances are I've been through worse. So I won't surrender, I won't give up, and I'll find solutions to keep pushing on.