The Longest Week

Later today I'll be travelling approximately two hours to an airport to pick her up:

My sister, my sister!

 From there, we will drive home where we will maybe make some food. Maybe shower (separately, that's weird). And then very early in the morning we will rise and do this:

Snowboard!

After we beat ourselves up on the mountain, and she re-learns how to snowboard, it's time for home, and tacos, and sleep because the following morning, we're off to do this:

AWP 2013
Boston

Perhaps this year, I may actually have a planned place to stay...

...Then again, maybe not

Occupational Hazard

Writing comes with an occupational hazard. We're not well. I don't know a single writer who says, "I am mentally stable," unless of course, they're seeing a head shrink. I'm not saying we don't have good days, because those do exist. But I am saying that many of us are plagued by self destruction, alcoholism, drug abuse, and a healthy dose of self loathing....which usually leads to suicide, and if not suicide, then missing ears, eyes, body parts, etc. Janet Reid recently posted THIS video. If you're a writer and you haven't seen it, watch it. (It's slightly less than 20 minutes, but it's incredible.)

Yes, this was a pitcher of beer

For a long time, I figured I would be like Sylvia Plath. She was a poet, and a writer. She was brilliant, and haunting, and I can't find any of her writing that is terribly happy. Her voice sounded like cigarettes (in my poetry class in college we listened to her read). My entire life I've had friends ask me to write something with a happy ending. Well, I didn't want a happy ending because I wasn't a happy person. I can't tell you how many times I've tried to kill myself. It's not because I've lost count, but because the lines of self destruction and actual attempts blur together for me now. I wanted to follow Sylvia. I wanted to hold her hand as the ocean waves carried me out, and have people say, "She was brilliant, and she (finally) killed herself." I wanted my writing to affect people the way hers affected me. 

And then this year, I attended AWP in Chicago. Margaret Atwood was a keynote speaker. She made a joke something along the lines of:

I've been around so long people are starting to question whether or not I'm still alive.

Brilliant woman. Still alive.

She was clever, and old, and humble, and funny. She had a spark in her eyes. She had wrinkles on her face. For the first time in my life, rather than wanting to die young, and beautiful, and fast...I wondered what it would be like to live to be 80 or 90, or like my granddad, 100 (he celebrated his 100th birthday this year!). Imagine the connections you could make with people, the lives you could help save. Imagine how many more novels you could write!

A few months after this I was invited to a middle school in Maine to talk about depression, cutting, eating disorders, etc. During my three week invasion, the option to kill myself became revoked. I fell in love with the students there. I told them they could have a future, and each day by querying, by putting myself out there, I am trying to prove to them that you can grow up in a shitty environment and come out swinging.

I'm not saying that every day it's easy to drive my car to work without the urge to veer it into oncoming traffic or off the cliff I drive by. (I actually had this conversation with one of my managers the other day.) Some days it's harder than others. But I don't do it, because I can no longer do it. I have something to prove to those students.

I may not live to make it to thirty. I may not make it to see 25. Who knows? But every day, I am alive, I fight the burden that many of the creative minds have. I am not mentally well, I've known this since I was in sixth grade. But as I said earlier, there are happy days. If live long enough for people to question my existence, I hope it will be a life well lived. I pray that I'll be able to stand in front of a room full of strangers and make fun of my age and the things I've been through.

The moral of all this is that as writers, we have an occupational hazard. We feel more than most people, and sadly those feelings aren't usually happy ones.

Don't give in to it. Don't die from your own hand. Seek help; support groups, therapy, psychiatric wards, friends, family. Live to joke about paramedics coming to your house and asking if you're still alive. Live to tell youngsters about paper back books when they existed.

Just. Live.

That's all.

Happy Monday :) (I know it's not Monday, but I didn't say Happy Monday yesterday, and this is how I roll)

AWP Follow Up

I am now sitting in a panel titled, 'Keeping Your Debut Alive'. I have registered for the conference by sheer luck. My sister and I stumbled upon a hostle. I was paid today from both jobs. This morning in my one strap messenger bag I found old buisness cards!

And the best part of all of this?

I have TONS to blog about this month because I'm learning so much!

Also, please keep my car in your thoughts. He may still get towed...

Reality Check II: Do Your Research

In my last blog, I talked about the financial costs of conferences, which may lead to a follow up question: 

How the heck do we find conferences in the first place??

First, you need to figure out what you're looking for out of conferences.
*Agents?
*Editors?
*Feedback?
*Networking?
*Finding new places to submit to?
etc

I've found that there are conferences that are specific to what genre you're writing in, so that's kind of a jumping point. My sister is the one who got me into AWP. Before that, I didn't even know about writing conferences.

Some conferences actually give you time slots to meet with agents. This one was PNWA.

~I found out about PNWA through Vickie Motter's blog. For those of you not familiar with her, she's an agent who is on twitter and keeps an advice/review blog. On her blog, she posts the conferences she'll be attending which is helpful to writers like me who hope to meet her, and pitch to her.

~I found out about LeakyCon's Lit Day from Jennifer Laughran's blog.

Moral of the story is: find the agents you're interested in. Follow them; their blogs, their twitter accounts. They will usually say something about upcoming conferences, or some, like Ms. Motter, will have where she'll be for the next year. It's an easy way to find out about conferences you wouldn't have otherwise known about. (From there you can decide which ones are feasible, and which ones are out of the question.)


The coolest thing about conferences is that writing is infectious. Literally, I'll be sitting in a panel and have a million new thoughts to write about. The backs of my notebooks are FILLED with random stuff to start; poems, stories, ways to edit existing stuff. And then when there's a break, hit the bookshop to find other authors and literary magazines. It's a great place to talk to editors, authors, etc.

Kinda blurry, sorry. This is Kerry Cohen speaking. She's amazing.

Beyond that, TALK TO EVERYONE. Literally, every chance you get, introduce yourself. Sit next to people. Become the social butterfly you've always wanted to be. You don't know who you'll bump into. Seriously, from one of my conferences, I met a woman who offered to house me for a night because I'd been driving an hour each morning to the conference, and an hour each evening. She and I will be roommates at this year's AWP. At the same conference, I also met another person who housed me in Florida during Lit Day.

So, make a good impression and if you're serious about the game:

HAVE YOUR PITCH READY.
Everyone will ask, "What's your novel about."
Make sure you have an answer.

Reality Check

Being a writer is a costly endeavor. First, there's the computer, the software. After you get there, there's the hours you devote a day to writing a novel, a story, whatever. If you're one of the rarities (that I'm not sure really exist) that manage to get published in their first shot, then you don't really need to listen to my rant. But even if you are, you may want to. Because even after you get published, it's still about getting your name out there and spreading your fan base.

So let's take a reality check here. Here are some costs of writing conferences and memberships that help boost your bio section of the query letter, help you network, and let you meet agents and editors:

SCBWI Winter Conference:
(Registration is still open to those of you who can afford it!)
Early Registration:   Members- $360
                                 NonMembers-$450
Regular Registration:  Members- $385
                                    Nonmembers-$485
SCBWI Membership:
1st Year: $85
Renewal Cost: $70

AWP Conference:
(This year it's in Chicago! See you there!)

Attendee Categories	Pre-registration Nov. 1 - Jan. 23	On-site Registration Feb. 29 - Mar. 3
Member	$155	$190
Non-member	$225	$265
Member + 1-Year AWP Membership	$220	$255
Student	$40	$60

I love this conference because of their student price. This is one of the only conferences I've found that offer this option. It is the first conference I was ever able to go to, and the one I will go to probably the rest of my life.

LeakyCon Lit Day:
(Also in Chicago this year. Woot!)
Okay, If you want Leaky Con it's $200. They don't have the price up for just the lit day portion yet.

PNWA Membership:

• $65 Regular Dues
• $25 Full-time Student

I did not know that these guys offered a student discount. I will have to pass this information along. Either way, I belong to this program because, although I live across the country, I saved close to $100 by being a member. Plus, like I previously stated, it's a nice thing to add to your query bio.

PNWA Conference:

They're posting the information, but if I remember correctly, it was like $300-$400. This conference to me rocked my work, and somehow I was able to afford it. 

But look at these costs. I'm a recent college graduate. I own a dog. I work a minimum wage job. Even if I'm able to afford the conferences, if I don't have friends who reside in the cities these things take place, that's an additional $200ish/per night, as well as the cost to get there (depending on location $400+). 

So, another reality check:

*My rent is $425/month

*Car payment is $300ish (somewhat flexible)/month

*Two credit cards: $200/month

*Baxter (without Vet visit): ~$40/month

*Food: Too much, though I tend to stick with Beefaroni, Raeman, and RiceaRoni

Those costs alone make me kind of want to...curl in the fetal position...like this:

In all fairness, this was taken after my first 2,000 ft tandem hang gliding flight

Bottom line: Money is a significantly limiting factor for me, what about you?

So some FREE advice because I like to ramble anyway:

Research the conferences. Find agents you would tear our your kidney and sell it on the black market for. Save up your money and go to those conferences. My college professor is the one who told me to go to AWP, and I am eternally thankful to her. Because of that conference, I started saving up money to go to more. I started writing again. 

If you have the money, they're so, so worth it. Not only for the agent-to-face time, but also for the panels, the authors, the networking, the free pens! 

It's a hard game. Money is just a piece we all play with, so play wisely.

Good luck!

Day 18: Buisness Cards!

Today is Day 18, and I'm still finding myself distracted (though still able to write, at least). I got an e-mail from VistaPrint that said "Free business cards!" so...I took advantage. I am now awaiting the arrival of my 250 pretty business cards that say:

Stephanie Lynn(e) Schmidt

Fiction, Creative Nonfiction, Poetry

Writer

Yea. Cuz I'm awesome. (Not really...but the cards are pretty so it leads me to think so!) Either way, they'll arrive before the PWNA conference in Seattle (if I'm able to scrounge around $495. Plus, this would lead me to the wonderful Ms. Jennifer Olson!), and LitDay in Orlando ($125). It would be awesome to meet people and be all 'Here's my card! Let's keep in touch!' Oh AWP...how you influence me! :)

I haven't written as much today as I had hoped. It's midnight though, and I have the day off tomorrow so I may stay up for awhile. As it stands I'm on:

Page 185

Word Count: 51,836...which isn't too bad. Especially if I'm able to write A LOT tomorrow. 

Alright, that's the baby update. Back on task!

Reading Out Loud

I'm an anxious person. I hate talking on the phone, I hate talking in person. I used to have anxiety attacks when I was in high school and had to present anything to the class. 

So what'd I do? I enrolled in a Forensics class (the kind that gets you in front of the class, becoming emotional, writing things, reading things, presenting something each week). Then enrolled in a communications class. I can now combat the urge to vomit, ignore the fact that my heart is beating out of my chest. It makes me feel like superwoman. 

Since that time, I still get anxious when I know I have something to interject to a crowd. But, I still push myself out of my comfort zone because I feel my voice deserves to be heard. 

With attending AWP for the last two years, I've also set the goal of being on a panel at some point. Which means, I'll get to speak to a room full of people. Which means, I'll need to talk clearly, slowly, and intelligently. Why? Because I have things to say, and I would love to discuss the marvels of writing, or the chaos of trying to land an agent, or getting rejection letters and KNOWING that I'd make it through (Oh my Gosh!! It's not the end of the world!).

But I have a problem. 

And that is reading out loud, or even speaking out loud. 

I read too quickly and my mind fumbles around with the words, and I put in words that aren't there. I need to relax, and slow down, and think "They'll still listen to you."

So, because of this, I've been calling my mother and reading her chapters of my new novel. I've been calling my sister during her 20 hour drive and reading selections. I have my not-boyfriend sit beside me and listen to me read. I try to read out loud when I'm alone, (though that's rare now, so I usually find myself reading to my dog, Baxter, who is a lovely listener) because when the moment comes, I want to be able to speak in front of my peers (other writers), and know that I am worth listening to.

So...if you ever get bored and wanna hear a reading...lemme know :)

Literary Love

This weekend I attended the AWP Conference in Washington D.C. It was a fourish hour drive, and I got lost a few times (as per usual, I always take a wrong exit somewhere along the way). Either way, it was AMAZING. I met some awesome people (writers, editors, agents), and made a few friends along the way. I also have a TON of things to submit to, and people to e-mail :)

I would firstly like to state that I almost was unable to attend this conference. I also may have lied to AWP and said I was a student, because otherwise I couldn't afford it (but I just graduated in May...so...it's close to the truth right? Creative non fiction and all :) ). Anyways, I haven't paid my rent this month. I paid my car payment a month late. I am super broke. It is thanks to the amazing Peter Macsovits that I was able to attend. Tuesday morning he had placed three very large ziplock bags full of mostly silver change on my car. This HUGE amount of change paid for: 2 tanks of gas ($26, $28, $5), food (well over $10), and various other things I didn't have enough money for. I still have some change left over.


I'm going to skip over the rest of the nonsense, and just start at the conference, basically. (If you want my more emotional responses, check this out.)

Thursday, I drove in from Miranda's place in Waynesboro, PA. I left around 6am, forgetting about traffic, and made it in around 9am. Because of this, I missed the first round of panels, and was super upset.

The panel I first attended then, was What They Didn't Tell Us (about the publishing process). It was here I spoke with Rebecca Rasmussen. She was amazingly personable. We talked about how broke we are, and I told her about Peter giving me money. (I actually told many people about his kindness, and dropped KHK's name throughout the conference.)
It was also because of her, that I learned "Hey, don't talk about your book, or really yourself. Be yourself, if people like you, they'll look  you up." Which was pretty good advice and how I ended up meeting several other people. I now follow her blog :)

Around 4:30pm, I attended my next influential panel. Zu Vincent was on a panel discussing Writing The YA Novel. After, I spoke with her, and recognized me. (I'm not sure if she read my name tag, or if she remembered or expected me, but either way, she said hi, and I'll take it...also, check back to this blog post, I'll add pictures at some point). We discussed my query letter a little more, and from there, she allowed me to talk about my novel, my pitch, and also offered to go through the first 10-12 pages, and help edited them (and POTENTIALLY send it/them off to her agent). I literally was flabbergasted. Thankfully, I was able to cover up my shock and excitement, and like a normal human being say, "That would be amazing, thank you".

I was super tired after, but had been invited to the Poetry Foundation's reception, so I attended. Here, I met Pamila (Ammy) Novak. She and I exchanged phone numbers, and met some younger people as well (here I am only 22 and saying this, hahahaha). It ended up being an open bar (which would have been AMAZING if I didn't have to drive 2 hours home, or had a DD). She offered to house me for the remainder of the conference, so I actually ended up staying with her Friday to Saturday night. (Secretly I was fearful that she may murder me...just because I'm cautious of strangers, but it ended up being wonderful, and she fed me, and we rode the Metro together. It was awesome)

Friday I arrived super early and browsed around the bookfair. The gentlemen who I had walked up with actually published a book of poetry, which he signed and gave to me for free (Richard Peabody). From there I attended Relocating Poetry which discussed that -WE- as poets are the emotional translators. It is our job to convey emotion to the readers, to trigger their brains to feel in pain, in love, whatever. It was pretty good. The next round was To Tell You The Truth, and discussed memoirs. It was PACKED (I took pictures of me sitting, also to be posted soon). They did give very, very helpful advice so that was excellent.

The panel that really rocked my world was Love At First Query. There were agents and writers on this panel. Gordon Warnock spoke, and everyone discussed falling in literary love (with the white picket fence, and the two children).  I ended up talking to him on Saturday about my novel, and he gave me feedback on that as well as my query letter, which was amazing. I was well aware that he as an agent would not be interested in my work, but he did give me the name of the agent at his agency to look up. Thus, the countdown continues to February 15th and submitting my query letters.

The Stranger Than Fiction panel had Kerry Cohen as one of the panelists. For those of you who don't know her, she wrote Loose Girl: A Memoir Of Promiscuity. (I can't spell, I'm sorry, the computer I'm on is lacking spell check). Last year at AWP, I attended her Truth Or Trash discussion and it ROCKED MY WORLD. They were all amazing, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it for over a year. Kerry has an amazing voice in her work: she is so brave and saying "Yes, I slept with a lot of people, yes I made a porno". She completely amazes me, and I finally got the courage to speak with her (picture to be posted soon :) ). I told her about the time in Target when I couldn't put her book down (but sadly haven't been able to finish reading it, as I have no money), and she gave me her book for free.
--For those of you who don't understand how epic this is, this is HUGE. As writers, we're not in it for the money. We're all usually broke, and every sold book, we only get  FRACTION of what you pay. So her kindness also muted me, and again I had to cover it up and say "That would be amazing, I'll meet you at your table tomorrow." Saturday, as promised, I went to her table, she wasn't there, and the gentlemen who was there asked me to wait for her (she wanted to sign it). So a little bit later, I came back, and she and I spoke some more (talking about how much Stephenie Meyer's writing sucks)...and she signed my book, and took another picture with me....and I am completely amazed by this woman...

The next panel I had planned on attending was SUPER packed so I left. The following one, again was Kerry, who waved to me as I walked in. Again, this woman is amazing and made my day.

After that I attended the reception for the Two Year Caucus (spelling?) at Cafe Paradiso. Ammy had been elected President of the two year caucus!!! (Yey! Congratulations!). She, as promised, allowed me to stay the night at her hotel room.

Saturday was sadly the last day. In all honesty, I only attended one panel....and that's even a stretch. I showed up late, and left early. I was burned out, and Ammy and I spend most of our time picking up swag from the bookfair. This is where I spoke with Kerry and Gordon, as well as several other editors. I'm BEYOND excited to submit to some of these people (they seemed genuinely interested in my work). I cannot WAIT to send out e-mails and query letters (even if I hate them).

AWP

Very Lengthy Blog Coming Soon!
In The Mean-time,
Off To Washington D.C. For AWP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!