Muses

Edgar Allan Poe once said "The death of a beautiful woman, is unquestionably the most poetic topic in the world."

I don't remember where I was when I first heard this quote, but I think of it often. Hands down EAP and Sylvia Plath are my literary role models. Partially because everyone knows their name, partially because their work rocks, but mostly, because they weren't afraid to write dark works, to not give a shit and write what they felt like. It was raw, and ugly, and brave. Ms. Plath killed herself. EAP pretty much died in an alleyway, drunk. They both had incredibly hard lives, and essentially died alone. I feel like I will join this club, too. (Morbid, and I'm sorry, but it's the truth. Anyways, back on the blog topic:)

So what do you write about?

Personally, I write a lot about relationships. If you read my Twitter Profile it'll tell you I have commitment issues (and it is so, so true). A majority of what I write revolves around boy/girl relationships because that's what I'm bad at. I have a million fucked up little relationships under my belt, and none of them ended well, but I made some awesome characters out of some of the guys. Some of those guys I owe entire stories to, some I owe partial mannerisms.

So how do EAP and this blog tie together?

Well, awhile ago, YALITCHAT was discussing portions of novels, and their relationships and how many story lines are driven by the relationship. Poe said the death of a beautiful woman was poetic, basically you can write about her forever because it's just so damn sad, such a waste. But a dead beautiful woman would mean nothing without the person around to miss her.

And there my friends, you will always have a story worth writing about, and a story worth reading.

Someone said that we all kind of write from the loves that we've lost, and I think it's true. Even as far back as I remember there is this one him that finds his way into each of my stories; whether it was the way he held my hand or the way he made me feel when he touched me. It doesn't matter, he's still there and without him, I'm not sure I would be able to write. I know about love because of him, I know about betrayal, strength, loss, healing...all of these things because of him. (This also kind of ties into the Write What You Know advice).

So like, EAP's beautiful woman popping up again and again, I write about the lost loves, that constant ache because to me that profound loss is something that people should know about.

Your thoughts?

Creative Nonfiction

This genre scares the shit out of me, and yet I write it frequently. When I was younger, I was too afraid to have my stories about Alex titled "Alex's Stories" so I code-named him Matt. (I'm not sure why, I really liked the name at the time). 

Anyways...it's always been difficult for me to admit that my writings were truthful, that I loved this person this much, that I cheated on this person, that I cut myself, that I hate myself. 

AWP has helped me step out of that. I've submitted two creative nonfiction pieces (as previously stated in past blogs), and tomorrow I will be shipping off another, one that hits much more close to home and hurts a lot of people. Granted, I hate names so most of my stories lack them (especially when in first person), this one has Mike's name repeated throughout it (though I never use last names). 

I texted Laura today saying "I think he's mad at me," and she replied, "He needs to understand that you're a writer, and he's a story in your life." *This is quoted very loosely* I also told Pat about the story I had submitted. After all it is written from his perspective of the "affair". He told me he hopes it gets published and to let him know how it goes, which amazes me. I never used his name, but I used his mannerisms, and secrets that he told to me in private (I've had him read this story), and he's allowing me to show it to the world. I am so thankful for his support even if it's taken us awhile to get to his place. 

Mike on the other hand constantly tells me that he hopes it doesn't get in ("though if it does, I'll be proud of you"). This hurts, a lot. It's not just our story I'm writing about and getting rejected by. It's my writing ability, my ability to convey something that at the time was important to me, and he doesn't see that. Instead he sees me displaying our failure of a relationship....

Either way, as a writer it's something I'll have to deal with. I will offend a lot of people. But in my poetry class, I defended Sylvia Plath's writings saying "Fuck her kids, it's her writing. If she hated her life, then she should be allowed to write about it." I also get irrationally angry when I hear people bash someone for being honest. I've lied my entire life (and been lied to). I've doubted my entire past (including where I was born). It's time for me to start being able to write about it, and have other people read it. 

It's my story that I'm writing. You know I write scenes and stories from experience. If you don't want to be a character, get out of my life, thanks. :)