Thank You Janet Reid

I'm not sure if any of you follow Janet Reid's blog, but you should if you don't. Go back through her archives and find this:

BE READY

So, after this advice and changing my intentions of conference attending, I am ready. I have pages printed, I have queries printed, I have business cards. I am ready for this, if anyone is willing to look at anything or critique anything. Even if they tell me what I wrote sucks, it's a starting point.

Be better, get better.

I'm ready.

(And off I go. No...but really, I probably won't blog until I come back. Tomorrow I work all day *I'm actually writing this at work* and then I'm powerkiting, buying clothes for the conference, and then packing, doing laundry, and cleaning out my car. Then I'm off!!)

On Bravery

I'm a coward. I don't like confrontation, I don't like to say things I know I'll get ostracized for. Submissions kill me because I have to develop thick skin so the rejections don't hurt. And they don't anymore, thankfully.

Yet--I've had a request for a full manuscript. Which I am minutes away from submitting right now. Minutes. And I'm terrified. It's over 200 pages, and I have the urge to edit AGAIN but that would probably take another month...I'm trying to tell myself I trust my writing. I trust the people who edited for me. I'm trying to remind myself to breathe, be confident, believe in my story. After all, it's a love story. I'm a romantic. I love this story. It should work, right? The agent should love it, right?

But I am so scared. This novel is different because the main characters don't have names. It's constantly, "Me" or "I" or "him" or "he". No Wes, Pat, Chris, Laura, Elizabeth. What if the agent doesn't like it?

I'm constantly telling myself right now the "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". This could be my shot. This could be everything I've ever wanted. It's so hard to breathe. I'm channeling Eminem saying, "So here I go, it's my shot, feet fail me not. This may be the only opportunity I got."

Breathe and push send. Breathe and push send.
Or....breathe and push post. Which is what I'll do now. Thanks for allowing me to share my anxiety.

Baby Wins

I don't think people give themselves enough credit for the things they do. In example...if you've written a novel, YOU'VE WRITTEN A FREAKING NOVEL. If you've written something, and someone says they like it, they probably do. Take the compliment. Give yourself some credit.

I'm saying this because I found out yesterday, that Suzie Townsend picked a winner for Invincible Summer, and the 100 word story contest. And I was that winner. I haven't won any other competitions (yet). Still, I was unGodly excited to read, "and the winner is...Lynn(e)". It's five easy, simple words. But it's my name. More importantly, it's my writing.

I drove to my sister's work (because my cell phone had stopped working), and ran into her office to tell her. I was excited, and I should be. When I tell people, I keep saying, "It's not that big of a deal." But it's still my writing. And I should be proud of it, even if it's a small competition. It's a baby step in the grand path I'm trying to travel. Things like this are what I'm waiting for.

Moral of this blog: Be proud of the little steps you make along the way.

Goals And Good News!

So, here's this:

       1) go to www.amazon.com/abna
       2) download the PDF list of second round entries for your category
       3) search for the author name from your submission form and the title of your entry

Look up the name Stephanie Schmidt and BAM you'll see my name. My novel has advanced to round two of the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest.

Okay, now for the real blog.

When writing or submitting always have goals. If you start writing something, are you going to be okay with stopping in the middle to return? Are you aiming for this to be a longer story? A shorter story? Are you open for anything?
When submitting to an agent, what do you want? Will you be satisfied with the asking for a partial? Will you be okay with rejection? Are you shooting for the moon and asking for an agent during your first round of queries?
Now...competitions. Do you want an honorable mention? Are you prepared to not even hit the mark? Are you prepared to win?

Here are my thoughts on life:
Writing--When I start, I allow the story to take me wherever it wants to. If the narrator's voice is strong and I feel a lot of anger or passion behind it, I know I'm in for a little bit of a longer story. Although, if she cuts me off, I'm okay with that too. I can always go back and edit and add more.
Agents--I just went through my first round of queries. Going into it my GOAL was a request for a partial, which I received and am SUPER stoked about. Even if they reject me, it gives me reassurance I have some semblance of an idea as to what the hell I'm doing. It also took out the sting of the rejections I had received, and probably will receive. I met my goal, I can relax a little bit, refocus, and make a bigger goal, the all elusive actual AGENT and FULL request (of course, not in that order!)
Competitions--I recently entered into the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest and my novel has advanced to round two! Out of close to 10,000 (that's what it gets capped at) entries, they selected 1,000 to move onto round two. My name, my work, has moved onto round two.

Here is why I'll get rejected:
Because my manuscript wasn't nearly as polished as it is now. Also, I was rushed for time (deadline was at midnight, I submitted at like 11:55pm, maybe even 11:58pm)...and forgot to de-color my text. (When I had written the novel, each chapter was a different color to help me go back to it/remember what the chapter was about).
BUT--I had a goal, that I would make it onto round two. And I did.

Now it's time to press on, and keep working for that agent!!

The Rejection Process

I'm slowly considering renaming my blog from The Submission Process to The Rejection Process. The goal this time around, though, was to have people ask for a partial, and one has, so I'm happy with round one of submissions, at least :) I will keep climbing this crazy ladder!

Rejection of any sort makes you doubt yourself. It puts those questions in your head, Am I not good enough? What's wrong with me? But in reality, I know nothing is wrong with me. I am a strong writer, though some areas may be weak, which is why my sister and I live edit almost nightly (except for right now because she has company down in Louisiana.) I can't remember whose blog I read, but they said something along the lines of: Being an agent and selecting who to represent is like walking into a huge bookstore. As you do so, you look at a few, and only end up buying one. It's the same with representing an author. My novel is one of those thousands of nameless books in that bookstore. It has to reach the right reader. This gives me perspective and it lessens each blow that says "I don't want you." It's nothing personal, it's just re-shelving me and my book.

When I first wrote this The Dying Process, it was SO weak. I still have an early draft if you'd ever like to read it and laugh with me. But it was the skeleton of something that is blowing my mind and making me consider starting a sequel. There are some parts that I've re-read and almost started crying because I can feel the character's pain an anguish at losing her other half. I want to cry with her because I've lost mine. But the fact that I have these emotions that she's capable of triggering them gives me hope that my writing can and will reach an agent, reach a publisher and start getting my work out there.

At work today, people who offered to read my story were discussing it and allowed me to listen in on some. The biggest compliment I received was them saying, "It's playing out like a movie in my head. I can see everything you're saying perfectly." Followed by, "I can't wait to read the rest."

Rebecca Rasmussen just put up a blog post about having heart, and sticking it out. I believe in my work. My sisters believe in my work. In middle school Mrs. Watchorn continually pushed me along with my writing. In high school people used to steal my notebooks asking "What haven't I read yet?" In college, I had people asking me to sign their copies of Zephyr. I know I am capable of writing things that reach people, that people want to read. 

So as Jay-Z told me as I opened my first big rejection letter, "You gotta get that dirt off your shoulders," and as Reliant K tells me, "I'm pressing on."

Creative Nonfiction

This genre scares the shit out of me, and yet I write it frequently. When I was younger, I was too afraid to have my stories about Alex titled "Alex's Stories" so I code-named him Matt. (I'm not sure why, I really liked the name at the time). 

Anyways...it's always been difficult for me to admit that my writings were truthful, that I loved this person this much, that I cheated on this person, that I cut myself, that I hate myself. 

AWP has helped me step out of that. I've submitted two creative nonfiction pieces (as previously stated in past blogs), and tomorrow I will be shipping off another, one that hits much more close to home and hurts a lot of people. Granted, I hate names so most of my stories lack them (especially when in first person), this one has Mike's name repeated throughout it (though I never use last names). 

I texted Laura today saying "I think he's mad at me," and she replied, "He needs to understand that you're a writer, and he's a story in your life." *This is quoted very loosely* I also told Pat about the story I had submitted. After all it is written from his perspective of the "affair". He told me he hopes it gets published and to let him know how it goes, which amazes me. I never used his name, but I used his mannerisms, and secrets that he told to me in private (I've had him read this story), and he's allowing me to show it to the world. I am so thankful for his support even if it's taken us awhile to get to his place. 

Mike on the other hand constantly tells me that he hopes it doesn't get in ("though if it does, I'll be proud of you"). This hurts, a lot. It's not just our story I'm writing about and getting rejected by. It's my writing ability, my ability to convey something that at the time was important to me, and he doesn't see that. Instead he sees me displaying our failure of a relationship....

Either way, as a writer it's something I'll have to deal with. I will offend a lot of people. But in my poetry class, I defended Sylvia Plath's writings saying "Fuck her kids, it's her writing. If she hated her life, then she should be allowed to write about it." I also get irrationally angry when I hear people bash someone for being honest. I've lied my entire life (and been lied to). I've doubted my entire past (including where I was born). It's time for me to start being able to write about it, and have other people read it. 

It's my story that I'm writing. You know I write scenes and stories from experience. If you don't want to be a character, get out of my life, thanks. :)