Monday, December 3, 2012

I'm Ashamed Of My Job

Kind of makes me feel like this:
Sadface

It's true. I really am ashamed of the place I work. Today, I saw a boy who looked faintly familiar, and so I blurted out, "Hey, did you go to UNE?" and he said, "I thought you looked familiar, too."

From there, I cashed him out and we chatted superficially. He wore nice slacks, khaki colored, what appeared to be a tailored green shirt, and a tie. Meanwhile, I wore a dirty pair of khakis  I hadn't showered, and the same shirt I usually wear to work.

I discovered he's a middle school science teacher, and I'm well...I'm a retail associate, ahem, a shift supervisor/retail associate. Even still, the pay sucks, the hours are variable, and I feel like I'm going nowhere. My managers claim to be "joking" but most of the time, I just leave and feel angry and frustrated. I'm not happy there, and I'm really only doing it to make ends meet. Each day, I feel like my soul is dying a bit more.

This is so much of a better place to work...
I'm surprised to find that I'm more proud to be a snowboarding instructor, than to be a cashier. I liked the way people's eyes popped open last year when they said, "What are you up to now?" and I answered, "I'm a snowboarding instructor." It felt like an accomplishment. Like acing a test I'd been unaware of taking.

I think part of it has to do with talent and effort. ANYONE can do retail. But to be able to teach people about their boards, their bindings, how to go down mountains without breaking their necks, knees, or wrists. That takes time. That takes effort. That truly takes skill. Plus, it's fun. You can throw snowballs. You can make snow angels. You can go off jumps and rails.

The pay was substantially lower, but it didn't matter. I was happy being broke. I was happy being late on my rent payments, because if I didn't have work that day, I got to go out and play. And if there was work, well, I still got to play then, too.

In retail, you greet customers, answer the phones, get bitched at when your knee starts throbbing and you need to sit down for five minutes when everyone else gets cigarette breaks whenever they want.

I'm glad that the mountain is opening, and hopefully I'll be able to instruct again, even if it's only on a part time basis. The mountain keeps me centered and sane. Things can go wrong there, and I'm more able to deal with them. In my "full time" retail position, I'm less able, and more quick to anger.

Moral of this post, is if something is eating your soul, chances are that's not the path you're meant to take. If you have to do it to make ends meet, do it, but then pick up, move on. Find happiness again.

It's only a matter a time before I'm there again.

18 comments:

  1. I didn't know your were a snowboard instructor? That's awesome. I've never attempted snowboarding, but my dad was a ski instructor once, and I'm still terrible at it so... Hope you get to work on the mountain again!

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    1. I've never skied. It terrifies me because of my knees. You should try snowboarding. It's amazing. And I got rehired, but it'll only be part time :(

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  2. Hang in there Lynne. Life ebbs and flows, the good always comes. You'll find a place you can be happy AND have money to eat eventually.

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    1. Aww thanks :) I can't wait for that day

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  3. I've worked retail. There's not much worse, but it's not always the end.

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    1. I'm just trying to tell myself, 'At least its not fast food'

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  4. I think everybody knows this feeling, and I defintely agree that if a job (or anything else for that mattter) eats your soul, you should run (preferably towards something better & as fast as you possibly can).

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    1. I couldn't agree more. It's just that all of those fun things don't pay the bills. At least, not yet

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  5. I've always wanted to work in retail (really at a bookstore). Sigh, it always seems like a great place to be, surrounded by all those books. But I can also appreciate the having to deal with crappy customers and mean bosses. I hope it gets better, and I love how you're always looking on the upside. There's always something better out there!
    Hope you have a great week, Lynn(e)!
    Ninja Girl

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    1. I would LOVE a bookstore. But I'm retail at a pharmacy. Loads of mean customers, cranky people...and I just want to sleep... Thanks for the support!

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  6. Hey old friend, keep up the good work with the writing. I'm nominating you for a blog award thingy, which I've never done before, so YAY! It's the "Booker Award." Have fun, rule-type things here: http://lcarslibrarian.wordpress.com/2012/12/05/someone-likes-me/

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    status with contemporary ville living.the interlace condo

    ReplyDelete

Please know that if you comment and I don't respond, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I don't have wifi, but I do have a bad memory.

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