Friday, March 22, 2013

The Fear of What If?

I just love books so much
I read a lot of books. It kind of comes with the writing territory. Some books are amazing (like If I Stay, Looking for Alaska, etc), and some are just okay.

But when I finish one of those great books; the ones where the characters haunt me, or the plot annoys me, or I wish I were friends with their friends, I struggle with The Fear of What If.

What if I can't ever write something this good? What if my story doesn't flow as well, if the characters never fully come to life, or if my ending doesn't conclude the way it should? What if...

my writing sucks?

Sometimes I recover quickly from these episodes. Sometimes, I hide my pen and computer for a few days saying, "Well, you should just quit while you're ahead and continue with your dead end job."

I may have a small book addiction...
But some days, I look at the books in my room. I sit among great authors like Alice Hoffman, and Kerry Cohen, and Jodi Picoult. I sit among the books I've loved, and thrown, and not cared about. Their presence brings me a sense of hope. When in doubt, I read an acknowledgement page. When I'm really, really, in doubt, ready to curl in the fetal position and cry, I look at the pictures of authors I've met.

They were like me once. They had blogs. They have tweets. They had hopes, and dreams, and they kept going. They already wrote their books. The great books that I'm jealous of are already out there. I need to write my book, with my words.

So, I open up my computer and stare at the cursor as it blinks back at me.

It's all part of the writing game. (You should keep going, too.)

6 comments:

  1. Excellent post. I needed to read this, too, because I've had a series of, "Oh, wow. This WIP is complete crap. Why on earth did I think I could make this work? This is just crap. Crappity-crap, crap, crap, and I would MUCH rather read the really good book that I have waiting for me at the library than try to do this anymore" type of days. Pressing on, though :)

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    Replies
    1. Sadly, I've had many of those days. Just gotta keep pressing on :)

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    2. Don't every give up. Follow your dreams and make them your reality. Miss and love you! Pat

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  2. I just finished Shatter Me and I had similar feelings. I will never write a book as amazing as hers, with the ache and the brilliance and the heat and the pain, and yet, I sit back at the computer and write again, in my own words. I keep pushing forward.

    I found your blog thru Kelley Lynn's. Nice to meet you:D

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    Replies
    1. Nice to meet you, too! And I'd just finished Lola and the Boy Next Door. It was beautiful, and charming, and full of happiness (my writing is far from happy, lol)

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Please know that if you comment and I don't respond, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I don't have wifi, but I do have a bad memory.

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