The Fear of What If?

I just love books so much

I read a lot of books. It kind of comes with the writing territory. Some books are amazing (like If I Stay, Looking for Alaska, etc), and some are just okay.

But when I finish one of those great books; the ones where the characters haunt me, or the plot annoys me, or I wish I were friends with their friends, I struggle with The Fear of What If.

What if I can't ever write something this good? What if my story doesn't flow as well, if the characters never fully come to life, or if my ending doesn't conclude the way it should? What if...

my writing sucks?

Sometimes I recover quickly from these episodes. Sometimes, I hide my pen and computer for a few days saying, "Well, you should just quit while you're ahead and continue with your dead end job."

I may have a small book addiction...

But some days, I look at the books in my room. I sit among great authors like Alice Hoffman, and Kerry Cohen, and Jodi Picoult. I sit among the books I've loved, and thrown, and not cared about. Their presence brings me a sense of hope. When in doubt, I read an acknowledgement page. When I'm really, really, in doubt, ready to curl in the fetal position and cry, I look at the pictures of authors I've met.

They were like me once. They had blogs. They have tweets. They had hopes, and dreams, and they kept going. They already wrote their books. The great books that I'm jealous of are already out there. I need to write my book, with my words.

So, I open up my computer and stare at the cursor as it blinks back at me.

It's all part of the writing game. (You should keep going, too.)

Interred Cover Reveal

If you guys float around the blog-o-sphere you'll know that Marilyn Almodovar is coming out with her new novel, Interred. And she's allowing me to take part in her cover reveal! Why? Oh, because the novel comes out January 22, 2013! You can mark it on your Goodreads account, now!

With no further ado....HERE. IT. IS!

Cover by Devan Edwards of Nimbi Designs.

Interred (Chronicles of the Interred #1)
By Marilyn Almodóvar

Time has never been an issue for Baxter Jacobs, but then she never knew she had the ability to
Bend it.

As her sixteenth birthday approaches, Baxter inherits a pendant that will change her life. Connected to the pendant is a dark and mysterious young man named Declan Ashdown. Trapped in a Time loop for the past 122 years, Declan needs Baxter’s help to escape. The only problem is, she has no idea how to do it.

To acquire the power she needs to free him, she’ll become one of the Interred, those whose Magical abilities emerge as they come of age. When she does, she’ll discover that Declan isn’t the only one interested in the fact that she’s a Time Bender.

As the Interment arrives, Baxter knows this will be no Sweet Sixteen. A vengeful relative and the ruthless Council are determined to control her. Declan’s powerful and charming descendant, Jack Ashdown, claims he can save her. She’ll soon have to decide who she can trust, and how to master her new abilities before Time runs out.

Marilyn Almodóvar is an American YA Author born in Ft. Huachuca, Arizona. A lover of words with a penchant for Victorian novels as well as the books of Stephen King, Lyn's favorite past-times have always been reading and writing.

It was this love that propelled her to choose Theater and French as majors in University, with a minor in English Victorian Literature. Lyn lived for almost a decade in England followed by three years in France before returning home to the U.S.

A self-confessed citizen of the world, Lyn is fluent in English, French and Spanish, with basic knowledge of the Italian language. Lyn currently lives in Central Florida with her French husband, English-born eldest son, and French-born youngest son. Her debut YA Novel, Interred, will be published by Iambe books on 01/22/2013.

Ways readers can connect with Lyn:
Twitter (https://twitter.com/LynAlmodovar)
Facebook (www.facebook.com/pages/Marilyn-Almodóvar/142589622496531)
Goodreads (http://www.goodreads.com/MarilynAlmodovar)
Pinterest (http://pinterest.com/lynalmodovar/)
Blog (http://marilynalmodovar.blogspot.com/)

Tips for Public Speaking

Don't let the fact that I've gone to a middle school FOUR times to do presentations fool you, I HATE public speaking. If I drink coffee beforehand, my hands shake like they're on speed. My heart pounds so hard, I seriously think I'll pass out. My vision clouds. But I know these things will happen before I even step in front of the crowd. If you expect these things, you can stop them.

Because of all this, and the Communications, and Forensics classes I took in high school, here are some fool proof tips on public speaking:

1) Take your hands out of your pockets.
Yea, it's cool for James Dean to lean against stuff, maybe smoke a cigarette, and keep his hands in his pockets because he just looks so calm and collected. It is not cool for you to do it. So take your hands out of your pockets.

Some very famous authors, who can you spot?
Notice, they're open to the audience
and each other

2) Stop fidgeting.
Don't fiddle with things. Try not to toss your hair. Don't pick at your arm. Try to talk to the crowd like they're your best friend. (It helps if you know someone in the crowd. Glance at them from time to time, it'll keep you on task.)

3) Stand up straight.
See James Dean mention. Slouching suggests that you're nervous. If you want to own a room, own your presentation, you need to look like you walked into the room prepared, confident. Slouching will make people lose interest.

4) Look up.
If you're reading from a piece of paper, remember to look up. I have a tendency to write LOOK UP! on the margins of my papers in neon colors, because my eyes will see that, and I'll take a second. It takes practice. Use a mirror. Not only is it good for the audience to see your face, it's good for you to see the audience's faces. You can tell when they're enthralled, or losing interest. If your head is down, you're not interested in them, they won't be interested in you.

5) Um, Like, Um.....
Be prepared. Filler words like, "Um," or, "Like," make it sound like you're not ready to give this presentation. I say like WAY too much, and I'm still prone to um's, but if you take your time, and cognitively try to eliminate them, your speech will come out much smoother. When in doubt, just try to slow down. Most people talk too quickly because they want it to be over. You say "um" to fill the space that should be taken up by what you should have said. Don't say um. Slow down.

Read the body language here...
Clearly, I am not impressed by what my sister is saying

6) Remember to breathe.
It might sound like this should be obvious, but really, sometimes, it's not. This can go hand in hand with talking too quickly, or even just having an anxiety attack. Remember to take a deep breath in, deep breath out. Your presentation will go much more smoothly if you're still breathing

7) Don't cross your arms.
You don't want to come off aggressive or insecure. Crossing your arms in front of yourself suggests the possibility of either. When possible, leave your arms at your side, or if you're using a podium, you can rest them there. If you're a person who uses their hands when talking, go ahead, but when you're giving time for feedback, remain open. Crossing your arms closes you off.

I know it looks tempting
But like drugs:
Just Say No

8) No coffee first.
I'm not kidding. If you have an early morning presentation, bite the bullet and come in sober. I'm really caffeine intolerant so even a small cup gives me jitters and induces an anxiety attack. But the mission is to be calm, awake, open. Not the coked out version of whatever you have to say. If you're rocking coffee, I'd vote for decafe, at least until the presentation's over. You can always invite the audience across the street to Starbucks when you're finished.

9) Leave time for questions.
Even the president gets bombarded with questions, chances are you will, too. Even if it's random. At the end of my bullying presentation, I had a few girls come up and say, "You're so strong!" At writing conferences I always harass the panelists, even if it's to tell them what a great panel it was, or to shake their hand, or have a follow up question. Leave room to talk, leave room for questions. You may also want to offer hugs, depending on the topic.

Don't go in looking like this...

10) Fake it.
If all of these tips and tricks fail, and you're still jittery, and you're still panicking because this is your first time speaking, FAKE IT. Fake like you're calm. Smile. Remember the people in the audience are there to hear you. If you showered first, put on a nice outfit, and brushed your hair, you're already ahead of the game.


But really, the best piece of advice is once you're finished, do it again, and again, and again, until you really can stand in front of a room full of strangers in your undies and own it.

Harness your inner bad ass and rock your talk. (And wish me luck for tomorrow, please!)

Your Work, Out Loud II

Ever since last summer's PNWA conference, I've been itching to find people to read my work out loud to me. Well, last Wednesday, it happened.

Baxter liked her couch...

Claire (you'll remember her from this blog, this blog, and this blog) had me over to her house after my last day at the school. After a round of shopping so I can now feed myself for MONTHS (Thanks again, Claire), and inheriting a dying plant, we drove back to her place....and I managed to get lost, of course :)


She'd printed some pages off so I could mail them out, and I (as always) was insecure about them. While she shuffled around her house (unloading dishes, cleaning, taking care of dinner, etc), I read the first two chapters out loud to her. This is good for me because I always need practice reading out loud, plus, maybe someday I'll get to read at a conference, or book tour, or...a middle school. (Wait, I've done one of those now!!)

When she finished her chores, she sat on her couch, I sat in other one, and she took over reading.

This was from Week 2
Crazy thunderstorm hit, it was safest to stay

Together, we read 34 of the 50 pages. The amazing part? I didn't cringe. At all! There were a few type-os (but instead of put, when instead of then), small things like that, but overall, I was comfortable with the sentences, the repetition here, the pauses there. I loved when she would pause mid-sentence and say, "What a b*tch!" about the horrible aunt, or when she'd ask, "Wait, where did the money come from for the cabs?" or "Why does it seem like Sarah is in love with Mike?". Most of the time, the questions were answered soon, or later. Or, I was at least evoking a feeling in my reader that I was aiming for.

When you have someone read your work out loud, you truly hear how someone other than yourself reads those words. The type-os are easier to find, and you can truly hear if your narrator is coming through the way you want them to.

I still recommend this exercise if you can find someone to read for you. It's a new kind of terrifying.

Lessons from Living Alone

Packed the car super tight.

As of May 21, 2012, I am the proud renter of my very first apartment! It's a two floor, one bedroom place of amazing. It has a washer AND drier, and a dish washer. And the best part?

NO (CRAZY) ROOMMATES!!!!!!!!!!!! Except Baxter, of course. 

(And the drier is a huge perk. I've been without one since late November.)

So on this adventure, I've started learning some life lessons already. I'm here to impart some wisdom upon all of my lovely followers:

Considering I have nowhere else to put my clothes...
This isn't so bad

Life Lesson #1-Put everything that you can away the moment you move in, maybe even as you bring boxes in. The longer the mess stays...the longer the mess wants to stay.

Life Lesson #2-Wash your dishes before you move. I am currently rocking a sink full of dirtiness, and well, like Life Lesson 1...it's probably going to stay there for awhile. Even though I have a dishwasher, because I don't have money for the fancy liquid.

Life Lesson #3-Make a list of things you need. Prior to this, I've lived by myself for spurts, but usually the place had been fully furnished, or at least had most typical things. Usually the times I'd lived alone, I'd also lived with someone so I received left over toilet paper, dish soap, aluminum foil, etc as they moved out. Here, there is no microwave, no strainer for wet dishes, no light in the bedroom, no dressers. Also, no pizza pans...which out of everything may be the most problematic.

You can't even tell it's inflateable!

Life Lesson #4-Two fully inflated air-mattresses stacked on top of each other is a dream come true. I would have slept really well last night, but  didn't close the bedroom window, and it turns out the train goes by at midnight, and semi-trucks pass all night. Tonight, I'll be closing my window.

Life Lesson #5-With the two-fully inflated air-mattresses, make sure you have blankets that fit the bed. (Mine are currently in storage. Oops)

Life Lesson #6-If you spit on the floor, you're going to have to be the one to clean it (I learned this one today)

Life Lesson #7-It can get lonely, so make sure you have things to do. Coloring books, blogs, novels to edit, books to read, people to text and harass at all hours of the night, running shoes, a dog to play with when you're bored. Oh, and twitter. Need the twitter, always. Also, if you don't own a TV (yea, that's right, I'm old school) an iPod helps cure the quiet.

Life Lesson #8-If Wifi is not included, try to pirate it from your neighbors :)

Life Lesson #9-You can do anything now; walk around naked, towel walk, sleep naked, make stupid faces, have dance parties. There is no one to impress, no one to tell you to put clothes back on. It's rather liberating. (Don't worry guys, naked-ness freaks me out. Clothes stay on, though I am prone to wearing a sports bra for a shirt. Here, my sister won't yell at me :) )

Life Lesson #10-Make it yours. Does my bedroom really need a punching bag stand in it? Probably not, but is it there? You betcha. If you look in the second picture I posted, you can see my Board of Inspiration hanging up already. I also have a closet that's full of CDs. Another closet that's full of shoes--left side is active shoes (skate shoes, running shoes, Vibrams, etc), right side is dress shoes (including the hooker boots).

Overall, I'm stoked about this arrangement. I have to drive close to an hour every day to work, but for $400/month, I'm pretty excited.

Open Mic Blog Hop!

First and foremost, I'd like to thank Cassie Mae for all of her assistance in the assembly of this blog hop. Without her help and guidance, I would have been completely lost. (Thanks, Cassie!)

If you've been following my blog, you know I'm a wicked anxious person. But as writers we'll all face that moment when we approach the stage, and GASP! read our work out loud. Or, we'll go on a book tour, and be like Eminem and be all, "He's nervous, but on the surface, he looks calm and ready," and address a ton of strangers to impart some wisdom on everyone.

At AWP, they talked about going to coffee shops, and open mic nights and getting our names out there, so...

...Consider this blog hop, a practice run:

Omg, Open Mic Blog Hop!
Yes! Thanks, Baxter, for suggesting it! :)

I've chosen April 19, 2012 because well, it's my birthday and it gives me something to look forward to, and it's not even April 1st yet, so you guys have time to get your game faces on.

What We're Doing:

*Pick a piece. It could be the first chapter of your novel, a short story you really like, a few poems. BUT it has to be yours. 

*Find a camera that takes video

*Video yourself reading your work out loud, to us, your captive audience

Tips:

--I'm personally going to aim for like two-three minutes. Maybe less, because like I said, I'm anxious.  

--If you'd like, you may also post the writing to your blog, so that we can read along with you as you read to us 

--Remember, look up. We'll actually get to see you now!

--If you're nervous, it's okay. I'll be freaking out, too!

--If you'd like, you may edit your video, but umm....my computer is old school, I won't be able to, so you'll get to see me turn my camera on, read, and turn it off. Bax may make a guest appearance since he usually is where I am

--Have fun with it!

For the record, you can upload videos directly to blogger, or if you prefer and have a YouTube channel, you can do it that way. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! Also, please sign up on the linky at the bottom, and steal the Blog Hop thumbnail thinger for your blog, too!


One More Thing:
If we're able to reach 75 participants, two people (chosen at random, probably by Baxter) will get a five page (written, not read out loud :) ) critique from me. If they'd like, anyway. :)

Chapter to Chapter Reading

It was a long weekend at Sunday River, made up of awesome snow, awesome lessons, and even better riding. However, come this morning...I couldn't get out of bed. Actually, come last lesson yesterday, all I wanted was to go home and pass out....

Me (on the right) on an awesome run.
Photo Credit: Mike Foley

The bottom line is, a novel can be a lot like snowboarding. I've already made THIS reference about trusting yourself, so now, it's time for a new one (of course it's riding related :) ):

The start of your chapter is kind of like starting the morning on a big beautiful powdery mountain. (Yay!! It's so fluffy, I'm so excited!!)

If you do a couple of green, easy runs, you'll be able to go for a little longer, take a couple more runs, right? But, if you start the day off doing super hard double black diamonds, you get really, really tired, really, really fast.

When talking to my good friend today (see photo credit), we discussed the way we read books. I told him that I have a tendency to read from chapter to chapter. I hate stopping mid-chapter, and will usually push myself to make it all the way to the end, no matter how tired I am.

It turns out, he does too.

If there is a really long chapter (30+ pages), we'll usually duck out for the night. If it's like a 4-10 page chapter, we'll stay in. When finished, I go through, flip the next couple pages and if it's another 4-10 page chapter, well, I'll read that one, too.

Moral? Long chapters are like starting the day off with a double black diamond. When you stand at the top, it's really steep and you wonder, "Do I really want to do this?" You open up the book to where you last left off, flip through the pages, and think..maybe I'll read this tomorrow...

Instead, if you stick to the green runs, the 4-10 page chapters, your reader (if they're anything like my friend and me) will stand at the top of the mountain and say, "Yep, I'm going balls out."

Happy Monday!

Banned Books Week: September 24-October 1

I'm not really a person for rules and regulations, or being told what to do. I don't like that one of my three jobs requires that I to wear my hair down to hide my eyebrow rings and then stud my lip ring. I also don't appreciate being told that I can't wear an actual RING for my lip at another place of employment. I try to veer away from jobs that mandate "No visible tattoos" (mine is easily covered by my watch, but it still bothers me) or that I have to "Look clean" (What does that even mean, anyway? What ever happened to no shower Fridays?). It makes me feel like they're forcing me be someone I'm not..It makes me unGodly uneasy. 


I like being able to make decisions for myself, be able to look the way I want to, do the things I want to. I don't think people should fit into certain molds that society creates, I don't like capital punishment or speed limits....I don't like things being off limits. It just kind of bugs me. One of the big ones that gets to me is banned books.


As Banned Books Week continues in full swing, I was kind of starting to wonder: 


Do you ever find the list, and read books off of it just to feel rebellious?


I did (maybe still do :) ). 


As a teen, I felt some form of vindication when I'd read the list and come find that a book that I'd loved was there, on the damn list. After that vindication, I'd feel anger. Overwhelming anger; who are these people trying to keep these amazing books out of kid's hands? More importantly, the question I kept falling back to was WHY? Why on earth are these pages so offensive to people that they wouldn't want them supplied in libraries, in schools? 


To this day, I still don't really understand why people ban books, or burn them. (Okay, some exceptions....like...you know, hate literature. I'd burn that quick.) But books, wonderful, character evolving books. Sure, at the start of the story, they can be racist, and there may be awful words....but what if at the end, the character learns that people really are equal, that hate doesn't solve anything? Why would we keep this from kids? Why would we keep these lessons from PEOPLE? Even if the character doesn't arc well enough to learn their lesson, as a parent, teacher, person...why not engage with the person reading the book;


Did you like it?
Why?
Do you agree with the way this character thinks?
Why?


Dig deep, give advice. Books give a great platform for launching conversations. Every time I see someone with a book, I ask what they're reading, if they like it, what it's about, if they're on GoodReads..etc. (It might just be because I'm a huge nerd....) 


But what if these stories help save someone? Why would we keep this hidden away?


Anyway, I pulled up the lists for the 90s HERE and the 00s HERE. Here are some of the books that either I've read or currently own and will read some day:

90s:
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, by Maya Angelou
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, by Mark Twain
Of Mice and Men, by John Steinbeck
The Giver, by Lois Lowry
My Brother Sam is Dead, by James Lincoln Collier and Christopher Collier
Goosebumps (series), by R.L. Stine
Go Ask Alice, by Anonymous (My teacher, Mrs. Watchorn totally made me write up a permission slip for my mom to sign so I could read this book so she could have a clean conscious. It is an amazing book...)
Julie of the Wolves, by Jean Craighead George
Fallen Angels, by Walter Dean Myers
The Outsiders, by S.E. Hinton
To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee
Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut (Side note, may have almost cried the day I found out he died. I loved this man)
The Face on the Milk Carton, by Caroline Cooney
Where’s Waldo?, by Martin Hanford
The Drowning of Stephen Jones, by Bette Greene


00s (Without the titles mentioned above)
His Dark Materials (series), by Philip Pullman 
Snow Falling on Cedars, by David Guterson 
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, by Ken Kesey
The Kite Runner, by Khaled Hosseini 
Summer of My German Soldier, by Bette Green 
Speak, by Laurie Halse Anderson
The Lovely Bones, by Alice Sebold 
Cut, by Patricia McCormick 
Grendel, by John Gardner


Moral of the story is, I love books...Like I love them. When I get published, I'd like to some day make it on the banned books list, because I will then I feel like it'd cause me to write more, and more. I'd be on a stupid list with a lot of other amazing authors and best yet, PEOPLE. 


So, to those of you who read what's banned:


Keep reading strong.