Saturday, July 6, 2013

Why Break Ups Suck

I've been reading a lot of newspapers recently where the crazy ex or boyfriend kills the girl. He strangles her, stabs her, or some other atrocious act of violence to end her life. I've read them in Cosmo, and I've read them in the newspaper.

When I was in college, I read an article that discussed how the first month of the break up is the most dangerous. If you're a woman and you broke up with a guy, he can go through a stalking, "Maybe I can get her back" phase. It can be cute, but it can also be horrific.

Keeping these things in the back of my mind during the last month or so of my current break up, I've been trying to keep my distance. For the first two weeks or so, I'd said if he changed and grew up, I'd be willing to reconsider the break up.

Then it was abundantly clear that nothing was going to get better. It was over.

As time went on, things degraded very quickly. He threatened to kill me if I brought a boy home. (Also threatened to kill the boy, too.) He tried to use the fact I don't have parents, I used to cut myself, I have a lot of male friends, etc against me. Then in the next breath, he'd say he loves me, or will always have feelings for me. I'm not saying I was an angle, and I didn't scream, and name call, and whatever else. But when the door gets kicked in and I have to call the cops, there's a serious issue that he's not addressing, and I seriously hope he gets help before he hurts himself or someone else.

It's hard because I still remember that time he drove to Boston when I was stranded at 3am and took me home when we both had to work morning shifts. It's hard because I remember him disappearing one night, and I found him scraping off my car when it was covered in snow so I could drive home. It's hard because I remember going to sleep, and him kissing me on the forehead. It's hard because now I walk the dogs by myself at night, and it's nicer to talk to someone, even if it's only superficial. It's hard because I've seen the destruction of the relationship, and that's why I ended things in the first place.

Since 2011 I've made it my mission to seek healthy relationships. With friends, with boyfriends, with siblings, hell, even with my mother (who we're constantly trying to establish boundaries). I don't want to end up like my neighbors last summer who just screamed at each other every night. I don't want to end up like my parents and their toxic relationship.

Every person on this planet deserves to be healthy. Everyone deserve to be happy. This is a small set back, but at least I can say I ended things when they crossed into unhealthy territory, and in the end stuck to that decision (which has recently been made abundantly clear it was the right decision.

With that said, take some time to evaluate your relationships in your life. Is there a way to make them stronger? More stable? And when you're done with that, have an awesome weekend :)

4 comments:

  1. Good for you. It can take a lot of courage to end a relationship, but is sounds like you made the right decision. Hang in there. Things will get better.

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  2. I have a dear friend who always says "did you learn anything from this?" If I can look at my part, and learn something; then it was a worthwhile lesson in life's journey. Love and miss you!

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  3. Sounds like you're making excellent choices! You can never go wrong trying to keep your relationships healthy. I can assure you though that good guys are still out there. I married one of them :)

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Please know that if you comment and I don't respond, it's not because I don't love you. It's because I don't have wifi, but I do have a bad memory.

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