Accomplishment Lists

You know those days where you wonder why you do anything?

Maybe you've just gotten your fifteenth rejection of the day, your boss just fired you, AND the cops pulled you over for speeding. It's arguably a bad day. So why bother?

On Wednesday, I got to go to a middle school class and talk about Self Esteem and Relationships. It was different from anything I'd ever presented before, not only because of the format, but also because of what I was trying to convey to the students. I started it off by having them write four lists:

1) Things I'm Insecure About:

2) Why I'm Better than Those Insecurities:

3) Things I Do Well:

4) Things I Like About Me:

Because I was given free reign of the classroom, I used the dry erase board and filled in my own answers. I talked about how the higher your self esteem level is, the easier your lists (2-4) will be. Once those lists start to come easier, List #1 stops having so much power. 

You just gotta think the world of yourself,
you know?

So then the question was, how do we boost self esteem?

My favorite answer is the Accomplishment List. On those days you feel utterly worthless, remember that you're not. No matter what age you are, what gender, what circumstances  you have done things that you have been proud of yourself for. It's time to remember what those are.

Here is a mini list of mine:

*Sophomore year of high school, I ran a 10 mile road race (it was a life goal of mine) AND beat my sister

*In college, I was published in the 2007-2010 editions of Zephyr

*I went to college, obtained a degree in Medical Biology, and had no help from my parents

*I bought my first car at the age of 22 WITHOUT a cosigner

*I ate three meals today

Once you recognize one thing you've done well, you start to recognize others. From there, you can start to allow yourself to be proud of these things.

And be proud of yourself, because sometimes, life is hard.

"Know Your Value"

Angryface
(This is me after boxing a few years back)

I've always had issues with setting boundaries; with my sisters, with my relationships, with work...etc. I talk too much and tell people my entire life story rather than easing them into it. I try to make rules and guidelines for myself and then obliterate the lines I swore I wouldn't cross again.

I had a really rough day at work yesterday. I walked in, got in a fight with my managers, was accused of lying and being a bad employee (as per usual), and overall, I felt like I was being attacked and not listened to. A customer who'd been standing outside the office during the first confrontation told me as I cashed her out, "Don't let them get to you." And though they were small words, they were like putting air in deflated lungs.

Awhile later, I was pulling forward, and some candy was out of place so I put it back. My manager flipped out on me because it was his candy and he was going to buy it later. I was called selfish, and a bad employee, etc. It's part of my job to make sure the store looks good, and that items that are out of place are put back.

After fighting for a long while, I cashed out another customer. My face was flushed, my teeth were grinding together. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm angry."

She nodded. "Work stuff?"

Unsure of what to say, but not wanting to lie, I nodded.

"You need to set boundaries," she said. She paused like she was waiting for my eye contact, which I gave her. "If your boundaries are crossed..." and she left it at that. I gave handed her her change, and she smiled at me. "Know your value." Then she walked out the door.

I've been mulling over that conversation ever since. It almost seemed like she was telling me to quit my job.

So happy together...

Like my personal value was being affected by my work, and being told I'm a bad employee. It eats my soul. My needs are not met at this job. I am worth more than a barely above minimum wage job.

But it's money. It's reliable. And come December I will have accrued vacation.

Every single day, I need to remind myself, that I won't be at this job forever. It's temporary.

And then I exhale, the day goes on, and I remind myself I'm better than this. And I know, like all the times I'd sing to Baxter, "We're headed for a better life," we truly are.

Positivity ; Pass It On

As promised months ago (okay, maybe A month ago)...More wisdom coming at you from PNWA:

Chances are that by this point in the conference I was exhausted; whether it was due to the fact I'd just flown across the country (Literally, North Carolina to Seattle), the fact I hadn't really been sleeping more than three hours, the fact that the conferences were so in depth that I couldn't focus....But I'm not sure.

Honestly, I can't remember the panel, or who I was surrounded by. I can't remember what I wore that day, or really, what day it was. But this day...my life kind of took off. (No, really, this was life changing advice for me, if it's not for you, then it's not for you and leave it at that :) ).

We're adults now. We can pick and choose who we associate with. Whomever was speaking at this moment told the crowd, "From here on out, only associate with people who will help propel your career, not bring it down."

Amazing advice, no?

Here's why I LOVED this.

There will ALWAYS be people wanting to latch on to you for what you can give them; if you work in retail, "Hey, can I use your discount?" If you work at a coffee shop, "Free drinks? Free coffee?" People are greedy, it's part of nature. I'm not going to lie, I'm greedy, I've used people in the past. But there are people who just take, and take, and never give back. Then...

There are those who take, and give. These are the people you want to find. These are the people willing to critique pages for you, if you do pages for them. They're willing to read your query, if you read for them. They don't want anything more or anything less. They want to offer help, and receive help.

Then there are those people already in the industry who can't critique for you, but they can offer advice. People like Janna Cawrse Esarey, a presenter (and author) at the conference who stayed well after her allotted time to help the newbies like me with their pitches. People like Kerry Cohen, Rebecca Rasmussen, Zu Vincent, and James Frey who tell you that you have something, and to just not give up. 

Branching out a little further, I've kind of taken this advice and put it toward a lot of what's been happening in my life. Within the last month or two, I was being treated poorly by a person who said they wanted to be my friend. After PNWA (literally, days later), I was talking on the phone and came to the realization that I was better than what I was receiving. I blatantly told the person, "Hey, I don't deserve to be treated like this. If you are going to change the way you're treating me, then I'd be happy to keep you in my life. If not...Well..It's not a real loss then, is it?" (I was then called a dumb bitch and hung up on. Point proven? I think so.)

Moral of the ramble is, you choose who you talk to. You choose the relationships you have to people. If they aren't nice, and they aren't supportive, you don't need them. (This is not just for writing, either). People should accept you the way you are, even if you want to some day find Atlantis, because dammit, if you set your dreams high enough, you'll reach em. (Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise).