Why Break Ups Suck

I've been reading a lot of newspapers recently where the crazy ex or boyfriend kills the girl. He strangles her, stabs her, or some other atrocious act of violence to end her life. I've read them in Cosmo, and I've read them in the newspaper.

When I was in college, I read an article that discussed how the first month of the break up is the most dangerous. If you're a woman and you broke up with a guy, he can go through a stalking, "Maybe I can get her back" phase. It can be cute, but it can also be horrific.

Keeping these things in the back of my mind during the last month or so of my current break up, I've been trying to keep my distance. For the first two weeks or so, I'd said if he changed and grew up, I'd be willing to reconsider the break up.

Then it was abundantly clear that nothing was going to get better. It was over.

As time went on, things degraded very quickly. He threatened to kill me if I brought a boy home. (Also threatened to kill the boy, too.) He tried to use the fact I don't have parents, I used to cut myself, I have a lot of male friends, etc against me. Then in the next breath, he'd say he loves me, or will always have feelings for me. I'm not saying I was an angle, and I didn't scream, and name call, and whatever else. But when the door gets kicked in and I have to call the cops, there's a serious issue that he's not addressing, and I seriously hope he gets help before he hurts himself or someone else.

It's hard because I still remember that time he drove to Boston when I was stranded at 3am and took me home when we both had to work morning shifts. It's hard because I remember him disappearing one night, and I found him scraping off my car when it was covered in snow so I could drive home. It's hard because I remember going to sleep, and him kissing me on the forehead. It's hard because now I walk the dogs by myself at night, and it's nicer to talk to someone, even if it's only superficial. It's hard because I've seen the destruction of the relationship, and that's why I ended things in the first place.

Since 2011 I've made it my mission to seek healthy relationships. With friends, with boyfriends, with siblings, hell, even with my mother (who we're constantly trying to establish boundaries). I don't want to end up like my neighbors last summer who just screamed at each other every night. I don't want to end up like my parents and their toxic relationship.

Every person on this planet deserves to be healthy. Everyone deserve to be happy. This is a small set back, but at least I can say I ended things when they crossed into unhealthy territory, and in the end stuck to that decision (which has recently been made abundantly clear it was the right decision.

With that said, take some time to evaluate your relationships in your life. Is there a way to make them stronger? More stable? And when you're done with that, have an awesome weekend :)

Z is for Zest and Zeal

Because yesterday's post was a little sad and bittersweet, I figured I'd cheer you guys up.

Baxter has a tendency to remind me that life is full of zest, and I should meet it head on, zealously. To close up this A to Z Challenge, here are some take home, life lessons from my best friend:

*It's okay to hit snooze. More than once. But after a few times, you have to get out of bed and go potty.

*It's okay to steal someone else's food when they're not looking. If they ask or accuse, just hang your head real low and look sad. They'll forgive you and probably replenish your food bowl.

The last good snowfall of 2013.
Bax is the little black ball in the center.

*Water is the only drink you ever really need.

*Cigarettes are yucky, and so are drugs.

*Enjoy a good snowfall. Run around, make fresh tracks, even if it's midnight. 

*It's okay to slip your collar and run off and freak your family out. Just remember to stay safe and return home.

*Be excited to be home, especially after you've been gone for a long amount of time. This is your place. Be comfortable here. Be excited to be with the people you love.

*Remember the joy of a car ride. I think a lot of us take it for granted, but Baxter loves to have his head somewhat out the widow, or looking right through the dashboard from the backseat. Try to find things you've never seen before.

I've always thought the car ride
is the same as a roller coaster to him

*Take a minute and just enjoy the sunlight. As Spring and Summer come in to full
swing, Baxter loves just sitting outside. Not sniffing or running around, just getting his tan on. Breathe in fresh air. Smell flowers. Enjoy the small things.

*No matter how big or small, or what age you are, it's okay to be a lapdog your entire life.

*Be excited. Be excited for friends, and family, and other things you may not understand (like cats and other dogs). Listen when someone wants to talk. Cuddle up to someone when they're sad. Most of all, be there, and don't be there because you feel obligated.

*Be brave. Don't be afraid to stand up and growl for the things you'd be willing to protect. Don't go to sleep until everyone else is safely in bed. 

He's not tied up in this picture.
He's just waiting for me.

There are a million other things I could tell you I've learned from him, and you guys know that's true. But just remember to enjoy the small things, like going outside, reading a book in the sun, how awesome your family and friends are. Remember that days can get bad, but to a dog, as long as you're around, every day is a good day.

For those of you who just ended the challenge, congrats! We made it. For those of you who were just popping in and reading about my BFF, thank you. Thank you for giving me this chance to creatively explore my pup and my relationship with him. You guys are awesome.

W is for Water Loathing

This is not Baxter.
This is my friend's awesome dog in Florida.

The scene is this: it's hot outside.

The kind of hot where you'd peel your clothes off and lay naked under a fan, but somehow the light cotton is keeping you more cool than if you were naked. So you lay in bed because it's too hot to do anything else.

You're sweating in places you didn't know existed. You have one goal: get to a large, cold, body of water.

And bring the dog, because he's panting and drooling rivers all over the floor.

You arrive at the local pool/ocean/river and you and the dog do cannonballs. You swim until your lips turn blue. You come home and the warmth that once was heat is reassuring. You crawl into bed and Fido sleeps beside you. It was a wonderful day.

***

Most dogs love water. I've seen videos of dog jumping contests (legit, people throw toys, dogs run after and leap off something like a diving board. Amazing.) When I decided to steal Baxter back, I figured we'd live on a beach. I'd get a tandem kayak. He'd ride up front, I'd paddle from the rear. When we got really ambitious, we'd paddleboard. But we'd be in the water.

He'd play fetch on the beach as the sun set. He'd swim in waves with me and smell of salt.

Instead, the reality is this:

Yep. He's standing close enough to notice it's raining
and yet not get wet. He wouldn't budge.

If it's raining Baxter will go DAYS without going potty. He will slip his collar at the mountain and seek shelter if there's a light sprinkle. He will run from ocean waves. He will manipulate his body weight when you try to give him a bath so that you and your mother will be covered in bruises until she looks at you and says, "I'm giving up. We can't do this." It will always take more than one person to bathe him.

When we lived in Gilead, we lived about a mile from a nice swimming hole. Just before we left, Baxter slowly started making his way into the water...just to his paws, never quite so far as to fully have to swim. It was progress, and I was so proud of him. (And like a bad owner, I may have pushed him further than he meant to go. :) ).

One of the proudest moments of my life!

Though he's a good dog, he has a few flaws. I can deal with the not listening when there's another cat or dog around. Or having to put him in time out from time to time. But the fact he HATES water? Really?

Ugh.
I'm not sure I can forgive something like that...