Monday, September 10, 2012

I Hate Running

The Crim Race in Michigan. Circa 2009, I think
As a sophomore in high school, I ran the 10 mile race
This day was a 5K
I've been a runner all my life. That's not to say I haven't taken hiatuses from it, but somehow, my running shoes magically jump back on my feet, and I'm off again.

Last November, I had my most recent knee surgery. Recovering from a train wreck of life, I had my first experience with percocet (and got knocked out for nearly 24-hours after being sent home from work), walked on crutches, fought with Baxter, and learned to walk...


Two weeks later, I was on a snowboard, terrified to fall because if I did it meant the end of the season. And the end of the season meant the end of money. The end of money meant nowhere to live, nothing to eat, and massive amounts of panic. 

As suggested by "My most recent knee surgery", it wasn't my first. It was my second knee surgery (different knee this time). The winter of my junior year (high school) I'd gone snowboarding, trying to keep up with college boys, and at the bottom of the chair lift, I fell. Hard. When I tried to get up right away, my knee buckled. Oh my Gosh, I can't walk, I thought. But they called my name, and I bit my teeth together and continued along like my knee wasn't screaming at me.

That night, my roommate had to take off my pants and my socks because I couldn't bend my leg, which had swelled to the size of a soccer ball. The following day, I switched stances and continued snowboarding (not my smartest decision). Two months later, when I finally went to the doctor, she told me she wasn't sure if I'd be able to run again. I sat in the dark office and cried.
Though my knee got tired a lot faster, I played soccer, did my dance recital, and a day or two later, I had an arthroscopic (holy crap, I spelled that right the first time!) surgery. The doctor discovered I had massive amounts of scar tissue, something that was turning in-and-out, and a partially torn ACL. She removed the scar tissue, fixed the thing that was turning inside out, and left the ACL saying, "If you tear it the rest of the way, we'll do another surgery, but it should be able to function like a normal knee."
Look! I'm running!

I had a check up with the doctor soon after, and asked, "When can I run again?"

She said, "When you can walk without a limp, you can start JOGGING again. When you can JOG without a limp, you can start running again."

I took that to mean that I was healthy enough. Once I got rid of the crutches, and started hobbling around, I waited another couple of days. The limp was minimal, but I went to the high school track, and stood there, the lines painted on the black rubber like surface staring back at me.

I set my watch with every intention of running a mile. And then I took my first step. Now, imagine slamming your finger in the door. Now amplify the pain by about fifty, and put that pressure and pain right below your kneecap. I literally screamed out loud. I took another step, the pain lessened. I took another, and there it was again.

Years later, if I step wrong (even while walking), I still get that pain. I still yelp. (At least now I can kind of anticipate it.)

So now, nearly a year after my most recent surgery, with copious amounts of pain, Icy Hot, Burt's Bees Muscle Mend, Max Freeze, and OsteoBi-Flex, I've taken up running again. Not just "Oh, I'm gonna go run a mile or two," but "Oh, I have a road race October 7, 2012, and I'm training for it with my Partner in Crime."

It hurts, every single time, but I'm doing it. I'm doing it to give myself something to look forward to (because I HATE October), to prove that not only am I recovered, but my body is, too. And so, each time I run, as I start cursing under my breath and saying, "I hate running," I'm going to keep pushing on. Because that October 7th due date is less than a month away. 

It's crazy how quickly people launch into motion...

 And dangit, I want to get a good time!


  1. Running looks like so much fun, but it hurts my knees.

    1. Mine too. Thank God for Ice, Icy-hot, and pain killers :)

  2. Good for you for getting back on the horse! Or back into your shoes, since we're talking about a different sport.

    Here's me cheering you on for your race. :D


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