What I'm Learning About Frienship

In my life, I've had some really, really bad friends. Ones who steal money from me, abandon me when I need them most, and ones that just use me to get something in return.

It hasn't been until this whole Seek Healthy Relationships mission that I've truly started to see what makes friendship such a beautiful thing. Because we all know how much I love lists, here's a small list of what true friendship is (and don't worry, I'm still learning).

My sister and I. She pushed me pretty hard.

7) They push you to be better than you currently are.
My teacher friend saw potential in me and roped me into this public speaking gig. My other friends pushed me to submit my resume to the newspaper. Your friends should always seek the best for you, and if you're afraid to take the first steps, they'll know how to support and challenge you so that you, too, want the best for yourself.

Some of my very, very good friends.

6) They don't have to be remotely anywhere near your age.
I have friends who haven't graduated high school yet. I have friends who are in their 80's. I have friends in-between those age gaps. We don't have a generation gap, we find mutual ground, a mutual respect for each other, and bond over snowboarding, or our hatred of our jobs, our love of animals, or our fucked up pasts.

5) They help take care of you.

My little friend, Allie and I before I left NC

There are times in your life where you can't take care of yourself. Whether it's because you're puking from drinking too much, you can't carry your food to the couch because you're on crutches, you're curled up in the fetal position crying for days, or your dog has gotten seriously sick and you can't afford his vet bills. True friends will help you. They will spot you money, they will break and enter with you so you can get your stuff back from a creepy old man who'd exposed himself to you, they will pick you up from the couch you've refused to rise from.

4) Though you may embarrass them, frequently, they're still not ashamed to be seen in public with you.

Yep. I was rocking hooker boots at a family function.

Laura (sister) yells at me quite a bit for not having any social tact. I talk about a lot of things I shouldn't, especially at the dinner table. In recent weekends, I went to Connecticut to help my friends celebrate their new house as well as their engagement, and we went out to dinner. I talked too loud, and told some poo stories, and puke stories. Needless to say....I should learn tact, some day. But they're still my friends. It's kind of that whole "Accepting you for you" type of thing.

I see these cats less than once a year.

3) You don't have to see them every day.
Some of my favorite people to be around, I only get to see either once every few months, or once a year. Some of my very good friends (blogging friends, twitter friends) I've never even met. Many of them have helped me (especially with Baxter). Many of them support me. Many offer advice, even when I don't want to hear it.

2) They protect you.

Friends from CT. They're very happy people.

A few weekends ago, I was in CT for a friend's engagement party. I'd had a beer and minimal amounts of food. When a guy handed me another beer, my friend (also a boy) looked right at me and mouthed, "Be Careful." He spent the next hour convincing me that I needed to eat and drink water. We were told repeatedly that we sounded/seemed like an old married couple.

1) Things that are important to you, matter to them.

My friends from Ecuador and the Philippines!

Another amazing example of friendship is an example from my time in CT. When they saw me, they ALL asked how Baxter was doing. They've never met my handsome little man. But they knew he was sick and tried to help him. They asked how he was because he's my entire world. It meant more to me than I can express.
They also allowed me to talk about my organization, my writing, and my dog, over, and over, and over. They never told me to shut up (except when I embarrassed them :) )

This is only a small list, but each point has shocked me. I always imagined that you see your friends every day, or you interact with them, or you've somehow known them your entire life. I managed to forget that you can go weeks, months, years, without seeing each other, and nothing can change. I forget that they can influence you to be a better person, to stop selling yourself short.

In unrelated news, each person in these pictures has helped save my life at one time or another.

Hiking and Healing

It's hard to put into words what today has always been like for me. June 10th marks the birthday of my best friend.

October 1st marks the day she died, ten years ago this Fall. Both dates are always hard for me.

She would be 27 today. I scheduled the day off from work for a "mental health" day, and went off on an adventure. Because I love nature and being outside, I figured hiking would be the best way to honor Kellie's birthday. So I packed up the pups, and Damien, and we went to Sunday River.

The drive there, I couldn't stop talking about Kellie. The fact that she'd driven a stick shift car. The way she'd learned to drive in her yard. The fact I don't have a single picture of us together.

We stopped at the first chair lift for a water break. Damien cupped his hands while I poured water into them so the pups could drink. Then we shared the 3 liter bottle (it still was NOT enough water for two people and two pups).

There were bugs everywhere, and the grass was so tall, Baxter frequently disappeared. My knees hurt. My back was tired. Baxter kept rolling in mud puddles. We were all being attacked by bugs. But we kept on.

Sunday River has eight peaks to choose from with many trails to hike up or snowboard down. Last summer, I'd hiked with a friend on one side. Today, I'd decided to hike some of my favorite trails. When I got to the top, I sat on a stationary chair lift and looked out across the scenery in front of me. There was a gondola car directly ahead, and the number on the window nearly knocked the wind out of me.

10.

Kellie's favorite number.

I could have picked any peak to hike up. I could have taken any other trail. But I chose this one. It was like she was waiting for me at the top.

People say that time heals all wounds, but it's a lie. Time numbs wounds, turns scabs into scars. They don't bleed out, but you still see them, feel them, remember how you got them.

I miss Kellie every single day. Some days, like her birthday, or her death day, I miss her more. But it's nice to know that when I get to the top of a mountain, she's missing me, too.

New Friends

New friends last season
Good friends this season

Last season, I was in the middle of a lesson when I looked over and there was this thug looking guy (Mat) teaching this tiny little girl (Becca) how to snowboard. My lesson came back for the next few days, and the Mat and Becca came back. By the end of the week, we all exchanged Facebook information and became friends.

Then Mat, Becca, and a few of their friends came to the mountain just after I'd returned to Maine from Lyn's funeral. I was a mess, I'd been away from the mountain for two weeks, I'd seen the boy I'd dated for five years...and I just felt broken and hollow. But I took the day off work, and we all rode. Slowly the pieces came back together. I dubbed it mountain therapy.

This year, the Mat came back with another friend who'd come for that Mountain Therapy trip. I drove up, slept on their hotel floor and couldn't believe how great it was to be around these guys. I felt energized, bold...and best of all, happy.

So your mission then, is to be open to new people. Even if they look like thugs, or hooligans, or whatever. Sometimes it can re-inspire you more than a new pen. Plus sometimes they make fun new characters (these guys are obsessed with reggae).
I'm thankful that I met these people.

2-4, me, Mat
My new friends :)

Maine: A Place of Healing

Life has always been a place where my arms and legs get severed, my heart has been ripped out of my chest, and I'm in the process of bleeding out...

Then I run away to Maine...and start stitching myself together. I ran away after High School to this place, and it was a hard adjustment. I thought my roommates were whores, I was super awkward (wait a second, I still am...)...and I got home sick. I missed out on Central Michigan University's Basketball games, I missed my sisters, I left Baxter with my aunt and uncle in Massachusetts, and I hated my major (medical biology, which I sucked at).

College was rough, so after I graduated, I moved to North Carolina. But last year when I found myself going through another blender (ha, that's actually kind of true), I sought one place as a refuge. The wonderful state of Maine.

In the process of dying, I chopped my hair off...
I look happy, but I sure wasn't...

For those of you who have never been here, part of the reason why I love it is because it really does get all four seasons.

Pumpkin picking!

When it's Fall, the bite in the air creeps into your bones and makes you put on a hoodie. The leaves turn neon. There are countless places that have pumpkin picking, apple picking, and overall wonderful-ness.

The smell of falling leaves engulfs your nose wherever you are.

While the stars don't quite compare to the southern sky, it is still magical to curl under a blanket with a cup of hot apple cider and watch the sky hoping for a shooting star.

I do not take pictures while driving...

Then the cold gets...colder. Suddenly, you've found yourself in a blizzard.

People who live here warn you about Winter. They tell you to brace yourself, and have warm clothes. Most of us have spare flashlights and candles, especially after that ice storm in 2008 (I think it was that year), and an endless supply of blankets (usually an emergency blanket in our car, too).

Sometimes, the snow piles will cover your vehicle. Sometimes, you'll be knee deep. Many mornings you'll have to go out before you brush your teeth, start your car, scrape off the ice that's accumulated, and then go inside to finish getting ready and pray your vehicle will be warm by the time you get back to it.

But one thing is for sure, if you're in high school or college, you'll be guaranteed at least one day off of school.

Snowball fights are magic. Snow angels are great when you're a snowboarding instructor and teaching several seven year olds.

Don't live in Maine if you don't appreciate Winter, because this season teaches you how to be a kid again, to go sledding, to throw snowballs, and get your car stuck in parking lots after a huge snow storm. Your vehicle will slide all over the road, but it's awesome. You feel like a race car driver...until you see a semi-truck coming...:/

It's warm, but not too warm

As the snow melts, you find yourself in Spring. By this point, chances are you've almost forgotten what warmth and sunburns feel like. Your memory comes back quick, though.

It rains a lot, it's still cold most nights, so while you wear shorts during the daylight hours, you find yourself in sweatpants and hoodies while you sit around campfires in the darkness.

They days smell good, like a mixture of fresh dirt, cut grass, and budding flowers. While Winter froze most of everything the grass turns green as if by magic, you see life again...and suddenly, while you thought Winter was so much fun, you start looking forward to Summer, and the beach, and running after a long hiatus.

You can swim as the sun sets, because some nights...
it's that hot.

I think people forget to tell you that Summer exists in Maine, and that it comes full force. If you don't have fans, or air conditioning, or a house that lives in the shade of a large tree, you're kind of screwed, because it is not immune to heat waves.

In Summer proper attire is shorts, a t-shirt (maybe wife beater or tank top), and usually a baiting suit underneath  because you never know when someone will say, "Hey, let's go to the lake/river/ocean." If you work in air conditioning all day, and walk outside, it's like getting sucker punched....by heat. You've got to get out of it!

But if you wait it out, soon enough an entire year has passed. Fall will comes again, and if you're anything like me, you'll find yourself itching for snow.

A very large portion of my heart and being reside in Maine. When I grew up in Michigan, I found myself wanting to go (t)here (possibly because all the water bottles said, ME Bottle Deposit, 5 cents and I thought I could get rich). So, I moved and found myself here for college for four years. Then moved to North Carolina, and when I died last year, there was only one place I knew could heal me and make me sane again.

Now a year later, I'm recovering...
And my hair has grown back :)

So what about you guys, where do you go for healing? What's your favorite season?