Wednesday, April 20, 2011

On Bravery

I'm a coward. I don't like confrontation, I don't like to say things I know I'll get ostracized for. Submissions kill me because I have to develop thick skin so the rejections don't hurt. And they don't anymore, thankfully.

Yet--I've had a request for a full manuscript. Which I am minutes away from submitting right now. Minutes. And I'm terrified. It's over 200 pages, and I have the urge to edit AGAIN but that would probably take another month...I'm trying to tell myself I trust my writing. I trust the people who edited for me. I'm trying to remind myself to breathe, be confident, believe in my story. After all, it's a love story. I'm a romantic. I love this story. It should work, right? The agent should love it, right?

But I am so scared. This novel is different because the main characters don't have names. It's constantly, "Me" or "I" or "him" or "he". No Wes, Pat, Chris, Laura, Elizabeth. What if the agent doesn't like it?

I'm constantly telling myself right now the "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take". This could be my shot. This could be everything I've ever wanted. It's so hard to breathe. I'm channeling Eminem saying, "So here I go, it's my shot, feet fail me not. This may be the only opportunity I got."

Breathe and push send. Breathe and push send.
Or....breathe and push post. Which is what I'll do now. Thanks for allowing me to share my anxiety.

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