Censorship

I'm not usually one to censor things. I'm not usually even one to have tact and keep my thoughts in my head, so much so that Laura is sometimes afraid to go out in public with me. Usually, I'm the one swearing up a storm, even if there's a six year old in front of me.

Last week, I got a nice eye opener.

Censorship:
It feels like someone placing a hand over your mouth

The portion of my memoir that I'd selected to read for my bullying presentation used the f-bomb two or three times. There were also some other questionable things, that after consulting the teacher, we agreed that entire sentences should be deleted, and if not deleted, reworded. When we finished editing, we had what we deemed a PG rated, middle school classroom appropriate, piece of non fiction. Something, completely un-Lynne like.

Then we discussed important things (like politics, before the election).

Days later I arrived at the school, and she printed off my chapter. I read through it (skimming mostly) mildly dejected that my beautiful words had been cut. I felt it took away from the intensity of the piece. As a writer, I was offended that duct tape was being placed over my hands. I've been influenced by strong women like Kerry Cohen who go out and tell their stories to a room full of strangers. Still, I sucked up my pride, did my presentation on bullying, and then I read the piece that we had so adamantly deemed PG.

Me with one of my slides :)

And while I read, I could hear the words through the ears of a sixth, seventh, and eighth grade girl. I saw jaws drop. I saw eyes pop open. I knew their thoughts were mainly, "Am I hearing this in school?" Part of my pausing after reading was so the girls could digest what I'd read. Part of it, was so that I could digest what I'd read.

It turned out that my piece was still intense. It still got my point across. There were no f-bombs. Several suggestive sentences had been taken out. But the piece itself held true to the story, and I was suddenly, very, very happy with the changes we'd made.

Yes, Kerry Cohen talks in front of those strangers. Those strangers are usually adults. The strangers I was talking in front of were young, impressionable girls. Yes, I want them to read what they want to read. BUT, maybe they should be at least mildly braced for things they hear.

I think the moral of this post, is that you should know when to censor yourself, and when to let 'er rip.

Mid Month Goals

It's Mid October. And look at this! I'm still alive!

It's like being on top of the world!

I'm still breathing!

Huray!!

With that said, now that I'm almost through the Month of Hell, it's time to start looking forward. National Novel Writing Month is November (that handy little #NaNoWriMo tag you see floating around twitter), and thus before I delve into a new novel, there are some things I feel I must do:

Wait for it....wait for it...

1) Finish editing the memoir. Find a cohesive ending that feels complete to me, and that chapter of my life. Take a deep breath, find a stiff drink, and keep my chin up.

2) Finish editing After Elizabeth, which...has been edited about a million times, but when agents say, "This is what I have a problem with," well, I'm going to listen.

3) Think. Do research. See if any voices start speaking to me. Take notes.

4) Start doing writing prompts to get the juices flowing. I recommend Old Friend from Far Away, and The Pocket Muse 2, and The Writer's Block.

5) Time management. Money management.

But really the big stressers are the editing. The memoir gives me anxiety attacks and insomnia. The novel just makes me feel overwhelmed. But once those are done, FULLY done, I'm ready for #NaNoWriMo

What about you guys? Any last minute things you need to tie up before diving in?

Sitting The Bench

This is my excited face

So there I was.

Until my friend, Swaney, convinced me to try out for the soccer team, I figured my life was complete without soccer. Then one day after gym class, she came up to me, and suggested trying out. When I told her I've never played before, she told me it didn't matter, I could run. Sure enough, I went to try outs, and was on the JV team.

The only picture I could find
of Swaney (black) and me (salmon)

It was my freshmen year of high school, my very first game. That glorious spring day, I was sitting on the bench, when the ref blew the whistle and the girls on both teams launched into motion. They ran around on the field, people around me hollered things I didn't understand. I only knew to kick the ball    --> that way, down the field.

"Schmidt," my coach yelled after about five minutes.

"Yea?"

"You're in, sub (enter some player's name, here)."

This was it, the moment I'd waited for, my moment to shine. I jogged to the half-field line like my shin guards didn't stink, totally ready to pull a teammate out and take her spot.  I get to play, I get to play! I was like a puppy with a tennis ball being waved in front of its face.

And then I stood there.

And watched all the girls run, and move, and run and move. The ball bounced back and forth, between players, teams. Girls took hits in the chest, head, thigh, with amazing control. I...was still working on that aspect of the game.

One of our players passed the ball back to another girl on our team. Wait, we're supposed to have strategy here? Not just kick the ball? Suddenly everything I'd been trained to do for the last month or so, was wrong.

I left the mid-field line before the refs could sub me in. "Hey coach?" I asked.

She looked at me, surprised that I was still standing there, "What's up?"

"So...I've never actually played soccer before, and this is my first game. Is it okay if I sit for a little bit longer until I'm ready to go in?" I asked.

She chuckled, "Yea, I'll ask you again in a bit."

I reclaimed my seat on the bench with my other teammates giving me questioning looks. "I'm not ready," I told them.

A few minutes passed, I watched the girls, the way they moved with the ball, they way they played off of one another like an actual team. The game seeped into my veins and ignited something like passion.

"Schmidt?" my coach called. "You ready yet?"

"Yes!"

I ran again to the line, subbed out a player, and entered my first game. The puppy and tennis ball feeling never left me. I ran fast, and I ran hard, and I stole the ball...more than once.

I'm pretty sure we lost that first game, but I didn't care because I was ready to play. After that day, I started every game. I was no longer a bench warmer, and all because I waited until I actually was ready to play.

So, what does this have to do with writing?

It's simple.

Those of us who are unpublished, and un-repped, we are the bench warmers. We're watching the game go back and forth Hey did you see so-and-so just got a deal? They're being published in May 2014, Omg, Omg, Omg.

We're also the coaches who send our star player (our novel) out to play when it's its first time in the game. The agents are the voice in the backs of our heads saying, "You're not quite ready yet," instead of saying, "No, you're not good enough." And so after several moments of panic, and mild depression, we resume editing.

We get scared, we sit down, we keep the bench warm.

But when we're ready, when our star player is ready, maybe we won't rock that first game, but hey, at least we'll know how to play.

Moral: Keep editing, keep pushing. Don't give up. You're not getting rejected, you're being told to sit down for a few more minutes.

Also, stop by tomorrow for more high school stories thanks to the blog hop :)

Critique Groups

Firstly, I'd like to apologize about falling off the face of the earth this week. At Sunday River it was Kid's Week, which meant that I was and am one exhausted instructor. (But, it was an amazing experience, and my kiddos were awesome, so it was totally worth it)

I'm going to need this many energy drinks tomorrow to function like a human being...

Now for the post. I had an interesting learning experience this week, and thankfully, it was writing related...

About a month ago, I'd joined a critique group. We kind of all stumbled through how we wanted to set things up, corresponded through e-mails, and swapped about a chapter a week (or...whatever we could get done, whenever we could get it done).

Round one, I was a bit apprehensive. The person 'in charge' of the group sent me his work, and it was a LOT of telling rather than showing. I wasn't being drawn in, at all. I went through, did some line edits, highlighted paragraphs, said "You're telling me, bring me in..." etc. I tried really, really hard to find tactful ways to tear his work apart.

And then I get his edits back. It was about two-three sentences of 'I really like the plot set up here, I only have one suggestion'. I balked. There were no line edits, no "I'm lost here" "Strengthen this section". Nothing. Just two or three sentences that didn't really say anything. I had worked sooo hard on his story. And what did I get in return? Two sentences? Really, man??

Still, we continued along, I found myself repeating my edits over and over, as though he wasn't forward editing, as though...he wasn't trying. I'd work really hard on his, I'd get back three-four sentences.

This last round, he sent his work (another paragraph), and I sent mine, which started doing line edits, but (after a really long day with a million kids) I had to stop. I could no longer continue reading his story. I finished reading (no longer line editing), and did what he'd been sending to me, thinking it'd be okay, "There's still a lot of telling here, it's really hard for me to get through this because as a reader, I'm not being drawn in, at all."

The following day, I received and e-mail ending our correspondence.

I was a little sad, but after I stepped away from it for a second, I was really okay with it. Why? Because I hadn't getting the feedback from him that I'd hoped for. I was looking for more in-depth criticism than he was willing to offer, and I feel that he, too, may have been looking for something else out of the group, out of me.

The truth:
You're allowed to be in more than one group. You'll find people you like, and people you don't. The good news is, with mine I was still able to secure a reader, whose novel seems fantastic thus far, and also gives amazing feedback, so, I'm incredibly grateful for that. She's not afraid to tell me something is weak, what needs work, where I'm losing her.


So, my advice for the day:
Be aware of what you want out of critique groups. Do you really want people to tell you what they think, or are you just trying to see if your story makes sense? If you're not getting what you want, find a new group.

Reading Critiques

"I think this sentence could be stronger if...."

"Awkward sentence...."

"I don't get what you're saying here...."

This is the look I tend to give the computer as I read critiques

I have a moment when I read what my critique-ers wrote and say, "Psshh, that sentence is fine, you don't know what you're talking about." I will actually start talking to my screen sometimes (which I did in front of a friend the other day, oops!) and say why what I wrote is fine, and why what my beta reader is saying is crap. And it's for this reason, and this reason alone, that when I get my edits back from people I read through them...don't make any changes, make the face you see above, and close the browser.


Honestly, I think we're all entitled to this. I think it's okay to defend your work, your writing, and get mad at the edits people give you. But give it time, go back to it.


For me, it's usually two days later. I re-read what I've written, and then with a face more like this:

A little more submissive...

I open the edits, and with a little less confidence and a little more openness, I read what they wrote, and find that 8 times out of 10....they're right. That sentence DOESN'T make sense. I DID use Barley instead of Barely. Oh...and I did forget that I mislabeled a chapter/changed a character name except in that one spot...etc. Once I start opening to that, I open myself to scenes I should have added in, things that I can clarify. This is why we need people to read our work, and why we need to be willing to change things.


As writers, we're protective of our work, and we should be. We've put in a lot of time and effort for those sentences. But, at the same time, step outside of yourself; sometimes outsiders (especially when they're readers) are able to see things that you can't because you're too involved. I know I'm guilty of this. Are you, too?

Change of Dialogue, New Paragraph

Okay, so I might be wrong about this. But, I also may not be.

I've been Beta Reading the last few weeks for about three people. Most have been stellar accounts, and small things to fix here and there, or me just adding suggestions or clever remarks like "Ohhh, I hope these two fall in love!" (Because I'm a nerdy romantic like that. And hey, a girl with commitment issues can still root for cute romances.)

But...the one that has come up in all three:

Change of dialogue, new paragraph.

What does this mean? (If you already know what this means, scroll down to the cute picture, because I haven't posted one recently.)

This means:
James said, "No, I don't want to date you. I'd rather vomit on your face." Change of dialogue, new paragraph. Sarah stepped back, "But James, I thought you loved me."

This is incorrect, my friends. Why? Because Sarah is not James. She is a different person.  So, this is how that should look:
James said, "No, I don't want to date you. I'd rather vomit on your face." 
Sarah stepped back, "But James, I thought you loved me." 

There are some instances where I'm not completely sure where the paragraph break is. In example, when one person talks, another reacts, but the first person continues talking. Most times, I still have that in the same paragraph. (It's one of those you have to be careful and gauge types of things. If all else fails, consult other writers/blogs, etc)  But as soon as the second person talks, new paragraph. Every time there is a new person talking, IT'S A NEW PARAGRAPH.

K?
Thanks.

And a cute picture for you:

I went to go to sleep one night, and found this monster on my pillow. Adorable, no?

A.D.D.

When I edit, or even when I write, I need a lot of distractions. I am not one of those writers who turns off the music (I do turn off the TV because I can't stand talking. I can sleep with the radio on, too. Not the TV. I hate TV). 


Usually when I work I have Microsoft Word up, and then in a new browser; Twitter, Facebook, my blog, gmail, and other sources of distraction. 


On a daily basis, I use my friend's cool pack for my computer. He was over one night, playing on his own lap-top, and saw that I was editing, so he left me alone. Until he saw me switching between everything. But it's what I do--it's how I think.


The other day, I was bored while I was editing and I did something fun (which I hear a lot of writers do). I went through and as I was editing, songs kept getting stuck in my head. I realized that it was my main character's playlist...so I typed it up. It actually helped me go through and write/edit more and give me a better feel for who this girl is. 


I'm not telling you to make a playlist, or even write. I'm just saying if you write, and you get bored with your project and need something...try making a playlist, or some other form of creativity that will keep you thinking like your characters.


Okay. That's all. :)

Agent Feedback!

This is my OMG
THIS IS AWESOME
Face

I am soooo excited right now. The lovely agents over at FinePrint Lit are offering a chance to have your first page (250 words) of your novel dissected. I sent both of my novels' first pages. I'm very, very excited to hear back from them as most rejections are form letters, and I'd like to know if I'm losing people on my first page.

Here's the link if you'd like to send yours their way!

The Editing Phase

The rejection letters are rolling in. Some amazingly awesome rejections...some average. But the fact is, they're still rejections, and they're probably my fault. So how to remedy this? Oh, right. Edit. Edit. Edit. 

The biggest thing I need to work on is my hook. My "What is your novel about"? I'm finding that each time someone asks me what my novels are about, my answer changes. How does it change? It gets stronger. The problem I'm running into as the writer, is that I know my stories inside and out. I can almost tell you on which page these people interact, what they say...etc. But on the smaller scale of things, these interactions don't matter and won't hold up in a query letter.

So, I've been having to take a step back. What makes my story interesting? Why would other people want to read it? And finally, what is my story about? I'm going to continually ask myself these questions until I'm in Seattle actually meeting with people at the PNWA conference (or Orlando and the LitDay adventure!!).

Outside of query editing, I've finished my second round of Igniting a Firestarter. It is now 215 pages, and just above 61,000 words. Last night I also resubmitted Confessions of an Immortal Heart which meant more editing for that novel (still around 73,000 words). I'm also excited because I've picked up more readers for both novels...by pitch alone. 

If you read my interviews with myself, I ask "What are your novels about?" I used to HATE that question. Now, I look forward to it because it puts me on the spot, and I need to say something quickly to whoever asks so they don't lose interest. I feel like this will help with speed pitching to agents, or even regular pitching. 

I cannot wait for Orlando and Seattle. Cannot. Wait.

Day 20: Judgement Day

Today is Day 20 of the project. I worked a 9-5pm shift at the warehouse. I talked to some fun customers, had fun with my manager...I picked up my tax information and found out I'll be able to attend LitDay as well as the PNWA conference (in Orland and Seattle, respectively). I'm am SOOOO excited words cannot express. After this endeavor, I went boxing because I'm out of shape (and getting sore from playing too much Wii Fitness).

All in all, I didn't start writing until about 7pm. Then I made dinner (which was awful, sorry again, Laura) which took another hour. But...

I did it! I wrote a novel in 20 days. Granted, it needs some SEVERE editing, but it's done!!!

---The progress---

Pages: 200 (Kind of lame, I know, but that's what editing is for)

Word Count: 56,300 (ish) (Not 60,000, nor 70,000. I hope editing will fill some of this in)

Pace: 2816 Words/Day

Early On Day 16: Excuses, Excuses

For Igniting a Firestarter:

47,677 Words

169 Pages (Running A Little Behind...Fully Intend To Catch Up!!)

(This now lowers my page to 3,178 words/day and 11 pages/day)

Now...the excuses as to WHY I'm so far behind:

As previously stated, my sister has come back and we've been spending a lot of time catching up (via Wii). Outside of that, as this blog is called The Submission Process...I've been doing that; submitting.

This week I've entered into three competitions: Creative Nonfiction (their subject is Anger and Revenge. How awesome is that?), as well as a poetry competition from Southeast Review, and their short-short story competition.

There are many deadlines coming up on March 15th and March 31st, so I'm trying to get a head start and the novel project has kind of taken a back seat. I fully intend to catch up between today and tomorrow.

The 20 Day Project

It's technically midnight (therefore March 8th), but I haven't slept yet, so I consider today to still be March 7th. I will be writing for a few more minutes then taking a hiatus known as sleep. 

So, here are the most recent stats (or what I've figured out):

In order to stay on task with an approximately 60,000-70,000 word novel I need to write about 3,500 words a day. 

To write a 200 page novel in 20 days, it'd be 10 pages a day.

Here's the pace thus far (thank you dear Word Count tool)...

Day 11

I'm on page 144

Writing pace: 13 pages/day

Word Count: 40,620

Word pace: 3,692 words/day

 If I keep up at this pace, I may have a novel in 18 days :) But, things happen, so I'm still aiming for 20 and no less than that. Besides, if I finish early, that means I get to start editing faster :)

Right now I have the beginning written, most of the middle, and the end finished (or at least the last two pages of the end finished). I need to now connect the dots from middle to end. 

I'm pretttttttyyyyyyyy exxxxxccccciiiiittttteeeeddddddd. :)

100 Pages in 8 Days

As the previous blog states, I'm trying to write 10 pages a day to shell out an approximately 200 page novel in about 20 days. As of 3/4/11, I am on page 100 (and it's still early in the evening, so I may get even further). 

I'm not saying that on the 20 day mark what I've written will be worth reading. At that point I may have some of my readers read the first edition so we can edit together, but I am very pleased with my ideas thus far. Today I was even so productive I named novel number three:

Igniting a Firestarter

Yes, Fire and Starter are supposed to be two words, but read the book and you'll understand. :) I may try to post the first few pages, but I'm undecided (I'm deathly afraid of people stealing my work...especially before it goes to print...which is stupid, I know, but if ya'll wanna read some, shoot me an e-mail).

This novel is also directed at the Young Adult audience (the narrator is 14, potential love interest is 18). Remember how bitchy people were in high school? And how people would talk behind your back, or do things just to get a rise out of you? Well, this novel covers that...and makes it so those awful things that you say actually create damage. Thus, the genre is magical realism. It's supposed to be somewhat believable....hopefully.

Once again, the narrator does not have a name, however her sister does (Jennifer), and the love interest bears the name Alec. Her parents are Mom and Dad. Mackenzie, a friend and classmate sits next to her in her dreadful Genetics class. Her frienemy is named Allison.

I'm glad because I know how the story will end and what the big conflict is. I'm also stoked because this story has the potential to be a series (or one very, very long novel). There's a lot of different directions I can take. It's fun to play out different scenarios between the characters.

Okay, that's all for now! Have an awesome day!

Trying To Write A Novel In 20 Days (Or Under)

The novel I'm currently submitting to agents (The Dying Process/Confessions of an Immortal Heart) took a total of 6-8 years or so to write, edit, find people to read, to take a break from and live life for awhile, re-read, write an appropriate end. I can't really remember exactly the year I started it (my journal is in my storage unit in Maine), but I know it was in high school.

Some Quick Math:

It took four years to graduate college.

It's been almost a year since I've been out of college.

I did not start that novel my senior year. 

So...I'm gonna say it's anywhere from 6-8 years of progress.

So I've been editing Confessions of an Immortal Heart/The Dying Process like it's my job (which it's not by the way. I have a full time job through Kitty Hawk Kites). While Tammy was finishing up edits/reading for me I myself got sick of it (which happens when you've nearly memorized every line, to the point that someone could say to me "You have a spelling error in this sentence: ' _______'" and I could recite the sentences before/after and go directly to the page to fix said error. Yea, I had been eating and breathing that novel....) So, I decided to wait for Tammy to finish up so I could take some time away then finish up as well.

Moral of the story: I feel like that was WAYYYYY too long to finish (mainly because I kept not having a suitable end, which I do now). Now, I want to kick it up a notch (and actually try something most people have said is crazy, or crazy awesome.)

But then I wondered....what to do with my spare time?

At AWP one of the panelists said "Just keep writing. It's the best thing you can do." So, taking that advice, I started writing something that's been going through my head a lot  (this was last Thursday).

Day 1--I wrote 6 pages before deciding to call it a night.
Day 2--I wrote over 12 pages.
Day 3--Wrote all day where I was able. Stayed up til 2am without tiring. It was this day I decided to set a goal:

Write 10 pages a day/night. 

Why? Because 10 seems like a reasonable number. And because my first novel is 210 pages. And because at a pace of 10 pages a day, I'd end up with a novel by around March 14th (right now I stopped last night at page 81, and will be picking up when I'm done with this blog.) And because I think it'd be cool to say, "I just wrote my second novel...in 20 days. Care to read/edit it?" (Okay, sort of kidding. After it's written, I would edit it myself....and then ask for readers :) )

Therefore, it's official. I am trying to write an approximately 200 page novel in 20 days or under. Thankfully, I have two days off a week if I don't meet my goal or if something comes up.

Wish me luck!

Another One On Goals

I believe in goals. I believe they help you stay on track and push yourself to do better. It might be because I was a Cross Country runner throughout high school and our biggest competition was ourselves...or it might be because I LOVE the satisfaction that comes hand in hand with accomplishment, so I strive to give myself a reason to feel it. Either way, I always have goals. Long term, short term, temporary....

My first novel (tentatively called The Dying Process, or Confessions of an Immortal Heart) had its skeleton written mostly by the time I finished high school. In college, it got its ending, and now it's trying to find itself an agent. The goal of course for this, is to be published. The temporary goal is to see if I'll write a sequel...which I've been considering for about a month now..

My second novel...is still in the works. It was started for Tammy Henry (who also deserves a shout out here as being my first official reader for novel number one!!) because she gave me the little green book and a pack of pens to write with. I hand wrote over 80 pages that ended up getting typed up (and there are still more that I haven't....). But this one has me at a writers block, and has, sadly for a few years. I think about it from time to time (and the narrator has graced me with some vivid, vivid nightmares)...and I hope someday to also get this one published (this one is more on the adult side of the audience). So the goal for this, is to actually finish it....sooner rather than later.

My third novel...was started Thursday, February 24, 2011. In this time, the narrator has been circulating in my mind and shelled out 55 pages (15,420 words!). I am in awe of how much I've done. Seriously, I'm like a writing machine right now. Because of this, my goal is to write 10 pages a day. I told someone jokingly, that I'd have a novel written in about 20 days at this pace. Now I'm considering really trying that out. I know how the novel will end, I know the plot and characters...it's just tying one piece to the other in a coherent fashion. I read the first chapter to my sister the other morning, and she gave me the biggest compliment I could receive from her: "I think I'd actually read this one!" (See previous blogs for an explanation as to why this is huge.) 

This novel has the potential to be a series, which is daunting to even consider. Where I'm thinking of ending it however, it would at least need a sequel to tie up some loose ends that'll be floating in the reader's mind.

So primary goal for this novel: write 10 pages a day, or more (that way I'll have some slack off time the following day).

Today was supposed to be spent working on short stories and things like that because some competitions are wrapping up tomorrow for submissions....and...I'm thinking I don't have enough money right now. Plus there are several coming up March 15-16 and 31 that I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY want to enter into. So...I think I'll hold off on the March 1st deadlines, focus all my energy on novel three, and in a week or so, hit the competitions hard. 

Wish me luck, and have an awesome day!

15 Minute Window

So, you've received your first rejection letter. No? Maybe your sixth? Maybe more?

Firstly, congrats on submitting to that many people. Hopefully you researched them, and decided that you were what they were looking for.  (Remember, personalize each query, each submission, if you didn't do this, this may be why you're staring at a shiney rejection letter)
Secondly, from the second you open that letter, you have what I consider the 15 Minute Window. In this time you're allowed to think:
What the f@#k?!
Oh man, I'm so sad!
Why didn't they like me?
Who cares I don't need them! I'll find someone better.

***********NOTICE*********

I said THINK these things. DO NOT, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER send a letter to the agent telling them this. Keep these things to yourself, or maybe a friend who is in person. Do NOT write a blog complaining, do not blow up your facebook wall, or your twitter if you have it. THINK these things. Or eat some ice cream. Maybe some oreos (which reminds me...I just ran out). Maybe even open a beer.

For these fifteen minutes, you're allowed to cry, to throw things, to punch your pillows, whatever you feel, (except attack the agent or editor who rejected you). Once that 15 Minute Window passes...

GET YOUR HEAD BACK IN THE GAME

Chances are you were rejected due to a flaw in your manuscript. If people you've only QUERIED are rejecting you, maybe you need to start with your pitch. Re-edit. If you've been re-editing for what feels like forever and you're sick of your story, take a break from it. Start something new. JUST. KEEP. WRITING. Keep the creativity flowing. Hey, maybe even turn the person you were rejected from into an evil monster with sixteen eyes.

Keep trucking along. At some point, re-edit everything: your synopsis, your query, your MANUSCRIPT. Then find other agencies, other contests, and resubmit.

Yes, it's sad you've been rejected (I'm openly weeping for you right now). But the rest of us have been cast away too (even if it was being the kid picked last for dodge ball).

Keep your head up. This is a long distance race, not a short sprint :)

Some Writing

I don't really have anything to blog about today as I've been editing profusely...so...here is a piece I had published in Zephyr (and now that I reread it, it coulda used some work...but hey, it got published):

Porcelain

            I stood helplessly as I watched her turn to glass in front of me. It started at her eyes, frosting over to crystalline perfection, and spread throughout her body, shaking so violently I was afraid to place my hands around her. My biggest fear was watching her hit the floor and shatter. I wrapped my arms around her, trying to keep the cracks from breaking her beautiful figure, and worrying the entire time that the pressure I placed upon her would be what pushed her over the edge.

            She whispered into my neck words that ceased to end, and all I could do was remain a shoulder for her. She was falling, I could feel it, and she stopped reaching for my hand long before I was ready to stop trying to catch her.

            I’ve seen her broken like this once before, and I’d love to say that I was part of the reason she was put together. But just as this time, I am destroying her, last time I couldn’t break her fall.

            Love is a silly thing. You would get sucked into a rip tide, go out into a blizzard dressed in white, lay in the middle of a street with a semi truck barreling forward, you would do anything in the world as long as it made that person happy. You forget for awhile that you even exist, and all you see is her.

            If the person you love is weaker than you are, you go through endless measures to stay strong for them. You create barriers between them and the rest of the world so nothing can get through without your consent. You are the bouncer to the nightclub known as life, and you gladly take your position.

            Even still, no matter how closely you guard those doors, something can still happen, and here you are, watching the love of your life crashing. If life were an operating table, you would be the surgeon praying to God that your scalpel doesn’t slip. If life were a dream, you’d be beside her waking her before she started screaming out in pain.

            Rather than being something fixable, however, life tears her apart. She’s broken, breaking, something you would more than readily take from her, but it is hers to bear. All you can do, all I can do at this moment is be stable, be that person that she craves more than anyone else to fall apart in front of.

            I take her face in my hands feeling her hot tears soak through the creases in my fingers and it burns straight to my heart. She tells me she just can’t do this anymore and I try to keep from breaking for her. I’ve never known a hard life, yet she has already been through so much. The burning in my heart quickly escalates to anger at everyone and everything that has ever wronged her.

            If her eyes weren’t already upon me, every wall in the room would be broken beneath my fists, but I know my anger scares her so I keep myself in line. I wonder if she knows her sadness kills me. If looks could actually kill as everyone says they could, the sadness in her eyes would have stopped my heart the first time I met her.

            She has had everyone in her life leave her. Some made the decision themselves to leave, others had God make the decision for them. I swore to her that I would never leave her side, and I am still trying to reassure her this very moment. She refuses to hear me as I expected. She assumes that she will always be let down. Yet here I am, waiting for the day she’ll let me prove that I am not going anywhere.

            When her sobbing ebbs faintly, I release my hands from her face and wait for her reaction. If she starts falling again, I will catch her. Instead, she sits for a moment, probably contemplating running out the door as she usually does once this passes, but instead, she takes me, wraps my arms around her and embraces me.

            “Thank you.” Her words are like air to me and I breathe off of them. Just as I am attempting to keep her afloat, she sends me a life raft.

            Some day she will know that I will be the one to save her, until then, every time I watch her turn into something so breakable, I will be by her side. As long as she keeps running to me, I will not leave her.

            Once more I draw her into me, pretending that I am so much stronger than I actually am. And I just hold her, until I feel the glass peel away from her, leaving only scarred skin. Someday, I will be the one to save her. Today, I am just the one to bring her back from battle.

Editing

I believe in the editing process. (Man, I'm obsessed recently with "The ____ Process" see; my blog, the last blog post, the title of my novel...)

It's hard because I want to re-edit pieces I've had published in Zephyr, or something else...something that I just didn't think of at the time. Right now my manuscript is floating off in space with agents I've submitted to...and while they're reading where I was at at that point...I'm continuing to edit. Why? Because I feel like no matter what, until the piece is published, it can always get better. Always. Even if you've submitted it for revision, you yourself should be revising it...or at least that's how I feel (I could be wrong).

I really enjoy editing with Laura (my sister). She goes through and says "This sounds awkward, I don't like this...I still don't like this. Take this out? This is redundant." I really, really appreciate her honesty with me, and though sometimes it hurts, I know she's doing it to help make the piece, MY PIECE, better, and that, my friends, is the end goal--having the strongest thing you have to offer.

Never Underestimate The Power Of The Reading Group

Reading groups are a HUGE part of writing. You need people other than yourself to critique your work. (This blog post may have millions of type-os, the computer I'm on is lacking auto-spell check, sorry.) When you write, you write words like BARLEY instead of BARELY (common mistake of mine). Your mind goes so quick, you forget words like "He" or to finish the word FIRST. You as the writer know what you mean and graze over these seemingly minimal mistakes while editing.

The people reading and editing your work? Not so much. After four people had read several chapters, it was the lovely Sandy, last night, who caught the barley/barely mistake. Several times. Others found missing words that completed sentences. I on my own would not have caught this. Nor, would I have caught things like "So...if she doesn't bleed, how can she cry?" or other questions that I had left unanswered in the original manuscript.

I am super excited because the more I talk to friends and co-workers (also friends) about the publishing process or trying to secure an agent, the more people say, "I'd love to read what you write." I'm gathering a reading group, which is AWESOME. Even if they aren't editing, they can at least say "Good book" "Mediocre" or "Umm....please edit. There was no plot". Willing readers are where it's at. (For the less willing, like that sibling of mine, I bribe with cookies.)

My novel right now is starting to feel more like a cross over. I have some high school aged people reading it (mostly seniors as those are the ones I work with), but overall my reading group consists of the age ranges of: 22-40. For the most part (except, of course, my sister) they love it. This novel is aimed at YOUNG ADULT meaning 14+. Why? Because I started it when I was in high school, I was writing for that audience.

But the concepts of love, and loss, and anger....it's pretty universal. I'm still bitter that Kellie is dead and it's been YEARS. You don't recover from death. My 30+ year old cousin still talks about my grandfather who died before I was born. He is still haunted with dreams of the man he loved. We as people, always are. Love and loss are feelings that EVERYONE experiences. My young niece and nephew lost their uncle and experienced "Why can't we go to Uncle Drew's anymore?" They were under 5 years old at the time. They cried with my oldest sister.

As a universal concept, I wonder if we'd be able to cross market?

An Interview With Myself About Confessions Of An Immortal Heart

So...I'm bored and tired so I'm going to interview myself to answer all of your lovely questions about Confessions of an Immortal Heart. Why am I asking them? Because they're things I've been wanting to explain to people who are in the process of reading, or potential agents:

When did you write this?

I wrote this my sophomore year of high school? I know it wasn't my freshmen year, but I may have started it then. I finished it sometime in college when I submitted (kind of crappily) to an agent. Of course I got rejected.

Why did you write this?

Erika Wilke told me one day to write a story for her...so I started...and kept going...and it kept going. I felt bad because I kept saying "Oh, you'll have it by Easter, by my birthday...by the time I graduate...." but she still hasn't gotten a copy....(Now she and I don't really talk that much..)

So.....What happens if this gets published?

Well, hopefully I'd be able to do a book tour. I've moved around a lot, so I have three solid fan bases: in the towns of Shepherd, Mt. Pleasant, Auburn, and Bay City, Michigan (my home state), so I feel like that would be a good place to start. (I'd LOVE to have a book signing at Book Mark in Mt. Pleasant, or somewhere in Bay City, and I feel like I would have a good turn out.)
In Biddeford/Portland, Maine, where I attended the University of New England (getting a Med Bio degree!). I have a lot of friends that way who constantly say, "When you get published, I'll be in the store to buy it!" When I was published in Zephyr, a few people made me sign their copies which was HUGELY flattering. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to have a signing at Bullmoose. And then on the Outerbanks of North Carolina where I currently reside. It's a smaller following, but I work for a pretty big company (Kitty Hawk Kites), so I feel maybe we could do a co-thing? Try to get both of our names out there?
Thankfully with these places, I feel I'd be able to set up the book signings myself (with maybe some research and direction from an agent/editor...but if they don't have time, I could figure it out. It's not that hard to call places and I'm familiar with the areas in question/the bookstores.)

So, the main characters don't have names...why?

When I first wrote it, I just kept going back to "I" and "me" and "he" and "him" thinking that I would name the characters later. But as time progressed, I listened to people talk about their significant others, and they constantly said, "I'm going out with him" "She's mad at me again". The more I listened the more I heard that we as people don't usually use names, and it's seems like it's a sign of affection. If you're with someone, you love them, and everyone else knows. You talk about them without using their names....so...if you're telling a story about losing the person you love, everyone should know who that is without having to say the name.
I feel like this tactic makes the character more relateable (some may disagree, like my sister). But without names, the characters can become anyone they want to be, it can become your story, it can become mine.
Plus, I read Swann's Way in college, and the narrator was "I"...so I felt it was okay.

How many rounds of editing has this piece gone through?

Oh geeze....umm...a million?
When it was first finished, I left it alone for a few years and went back to it. As I read through it, I found that the writing was unGodly weak, but I had some solid ideas behind the writing. Around the same time I read Three Weeks With My Brother, by Nick Sparks, and he talked about his first book, and how he scrapped it, and I considered doing the same with this...but there was something about it saying "Just edit me, just edit me!" so for the last few years, it's what I've been doing.
When I finally got it to the point I started considering submitting to agents, I sent it out to friends who were avid readers and read things like Twilight, or Harry Potter, and things that were slightly outside our realm of comfort (except, again for my sister...this is NOT her genre). They LOVED the idea behind it. My sister on the other hand said, "I read three pages, lost interest. Please don't make me read anymore."

Wow, that was harsh....what did you do?

Well...I looked at from the reader/author relationship. If she's not connecting well enough to the character, it's a problem on my end of things. I ended up cutting the intro from about 20 pages, down to 5. I described in more detail the world the narrator lived in and rearranged a million scenes.
She later had a problem with the first meeting scene, so I added more dialog with that. I also completely deleted chapter 9 because...well...it sucked. I'm not afraid of changing things as long as it conveys what the story is about

And what is the novel about?

Hahahaha, I hate this question. Actually after the first rejection today, I went to Taco Tuesdays and told the bartender about being rejected after she asked me how I was. We finished our conversation and I heard someone behind me say "So...what's your novel about?"
I laughed and said, "Okay, but you gotta not judge me."
So in short: The narrator is immortal (and unnamed as previously discussed). While most stories have the man stronger, this one revolves around her trying to protect him in some way. Well....he gets murdered, and she basically loses her mind and goes on a killing rampage.
(In this description, I leave out the fact that 90% of the novel builds up to that moment, and explains their relationship together. It follows their meeting where she hated him, to falling in love with him, right up to his death).

Wow. That's pretty intense. What is your inspiration behind this?

Well...there's a lot. The relationship/emotional aspect of the story revolves around my relationship with the guy I loved in high school. Some of the stories are based around things we did, and really it gives me the strongest sense of love and the ability to write about what I felt at that time period.
The death scene and those emotions around it are tied into the death of my best friend, Kellie Lynne Wheeler, who was killed in a car accident when she was seventeen. (I was in my sophomore year of high school when my sister called and told me the news...). It's hard going from returning home from school each day and waiting by the computer to chat with her...to suddenly never seeing her log on again. I wanted something to cement the fact that it's okay to grieve forever, to be in pain from the absence of someone you love. I was so pissed when I went to school, and a week later one of my friends said, "It's been a week, you're not over it yet?" I wanted to strangle him.
I wrote the murder scenes when I was pissed off at my sisters for one reason or another. It helped manage my anger :)

What do books do you consider to be similar?

Umm....the romances are similar to that of the Twilight Saga (the whole "Oh man, this person is my entire world, and I feel like I'd die without them) and the Kissed By An Angel Trilogy (the guy dies and she has to learn how to function again....)

What is your target age group?

When I started this, I was in high school, so that was my original target. But now I'm 22, and have friends my age, and older, and younger. Most of the people who've been reading this are between the ages of 20-40+, but most of us still feel like young adults. I think because of the LOSS and LOVE factors of the novel, anyone who has lost someone can related to the narrator's story. So really, all ages, I guess (though there are some rather graphic scenes)...so maybe young adult and older? If you're making me be specific, I'd aim for 14 and older.

Would you be willing to do an audio CD or anything like that?

I would be. I'm not sure how those work, like...would I be the one reading, or do they hire someone to do it? I'd honestly kind of like to be the reader (don't get me wrong, I hate the sound of my voice), but I LOVE Sylvia Plath, and for the first time last year, I heard a recording of her reading, and it was....horrifying, and inspiring, and if my work reaches anyone, I'd like them to be able to hear -me-. If not...that's okay, I'm sure I'll get to do a partial reading at some point in my life :) Yey youtube!

What other things are you working on?

Well, I'm midway through my second novel, which I started writing because of the great Tammy Henry. If that one gets published, it will be dedicated to her. It's tentatively called The Secret Keeper. I've been working on the ending for quite some time now....
I also write short stories, nonfiction, and poetry, so a lot of my time has been spent submitting things to competitions and trying to bulk up my resume/publishing background.


Okay, I feel like that's sufficient. If you guys have any questions about the novel, the submission process, or anything else, feel free to let me know and I'll answer!